The Case of Ranger Rick

This story happened at Ft. Huachuca in 1982. Dad was one of the unlucky ones that was purged out of SF in 1978 and sent to Germany to be promoted to 1SG. The army hated SF at the time, but used the logic if they took the “cream of the crop” and sewed them out among conventional units, it would bring their standards to a higher level (reality- most of the purged retired out within 2 years). Dad managed to endure and turn it into a game.

Dad was given orders to PCS to Ft. Huachuca AZ. He ended up being the 1SG of the post support company. The company was made up of conventional soldiers, and one busted up ranger. Rick had a parachuting accident in the field but managed to stay in the army. He could not jump out of perfectly good airplanes anymore. 1SG and ranger Rick got along pretty well. Both had been in special operations, so they pretty much saw eye-to-eye on things.

Rick was single and lived in the barracks. Wellll… One night Rick had gone out drinking. He came up with a wild idea of booby trapping the latrine at the MP barracks. Rick went back to his barracks, opened up his stash of ordinance and pulled out a spool of wire, igniters, and a bunch of M80s.

In his drunken state, Rick was a special operator and he was going to teach those MP's a lesson. The Plan- (play mission impossible music) sneak into the MP barracks, get into their latrine, rig the cammodes up with the M80's so they would gusher up upon flushing.

Reality- (play benny hill music) Rick sneaks into the MP barracks undetected, manages to make it into the latrine, rigs up the commodes and passes out in one of the stalls. The MP's found him the next morning. Looking closer, an MP notices wires coming out of the toilets. MP's call EOD. EOD shows up and evals the situation. The EOD guy marvels at the ingenuity that went into setting up the commodes to geyser up to the ceiling, then dismantles the traps. Rick of course goes into the clink for his 1SG to come pick him up.

1SG goes down and picks up hungover Rick and takes him back to the barracks. Before going, the MP's want to know what he plans to do with his troop. “I'll take care of it” he says.

1SG sits down with ranger Rick after he's sobered up and has a counseling session. 1SG gives Rick an “A” for planning, but an “F” for getting caught and not completing his “mission”. The 1SG of the MP company is our neighbor. They have an informal chat about what to do. The MP 1SG wants the book thrown at Rick. Dad says no.. Rick snuck in and did not get caught, he rigged the commodes up undetected. His only failure was he passed out. No one got hurt, and the MP's failed at securing their barracks. “They're MP's! YOUR MP's allowed a busted up ex-ranger to get into YOUR barracks. I figured the MP barracks would be more secure.. Then you want ME to throw the book at my soldier for your LACK of security. ” dad says. The matter was swept under the carpet.