There’s nothing that ultimately stops me from comparing myself to other women, except myself. And you have to build the strength up to recognize when you’re comparing yourself, remind yourself that comparing makes you feel like garbage, and try like hell to avoid the things that make you compare yourself… like Instagram and Facebook…
But in the event that you’re at a Florida beach party and everyone around you is hot and you fee like garbage… I don’t know how to begin to master that.
Except I know I fee better about myself when I’m doing the things that make me feel good, like exercising, reading, eating healthy food, and not getting incredibly drunk. When I do those things, I feel like I can begin to believe that I am as worthy as the hot women walking around.
Otherwise, this shit is hard to overcome. And all you can do is take it day by day and try to make the things that make you feel good habitual.
This may sound silly, but when I was in college I realized I majorly needed to work on myself esteem. So I got a small notepad that I carried with me everywhere, and I’d write down anything that I thought of that made me feel good about myself. A good test score, a random compliment, if I did something kind for someone, if I felt like my hair looked really good that day…just whatever. I tried to write a few things a day. It helped me focus on the positives and, if I was having a day where I was down on myself, I could look back and see the things I could be proud of or happy about. Honestly it really helped.
You get out into the ‘real world’ outside of high school and you realise no one actually gives two shits about you because every single person out there is focused on their own life and their own problems. You may think that one embarrassing moment that you had that defined your life will follow you everywhere but actually no one else remembered or at least very few.
Fame, money and power don’t even solve all your self esteem issues. Taylor Swift has been singing about insecurities and self esteem issues since the beginning of time and she’s got more money, fame and influencing power that one needs and she still struggles. She had great accomplishments that many would die for. This is when you should realise that no one really cares that much about you (I don’t mean care as in love, care as in judgement of your appearance, accomplishments etc) and that makes you free to be who you want
I used to think people were more together than me, and less damaged. I had many heart-to-hearts with different people and realized everyone has baggage. Nobody I’ve ever spoken to is pristine and untouched by something in their lives. Some similar to me, some very different- and yet everyone has something if you dig deep enough. I saw many people who fake an exterior image to hide their insecurity, and I saw people who aren’t faking an exterior necessarily but just showing the world only what they will allow them to see. Either way, it allowed me to see people differently. I might not know what your weakness is, but I know that you’re not all strengths. I also know I have strengths. Focusing on those help. When it comes to my weaknesses, not trying to hide them and instead of envying those who excel in those areas I focused on asking them for help/advice instead.
It’s weird but this was a big “ah-ha” moment for me recently. I saw this interview with Taron Egerton talking about showing his body onscreen in Rocketman and he said something along the lines of “most of the time when someone’s looking at you they’re thinking about themselves.” That really resonated with me. It’s easier to stop comparing yourself to others when you realize they’re probably doing the same.