Women of Internet who have stopper wanting to/having sex with their significant other, what happened?

I had kids

So it was shortly after I turned 25, my sex drive just died. Nothing had changed, our wedding was in a few months but we were already living together. Our 10 year anniversary is coming up and the anti-anxiety meds have made it worse.

What happened? We talked about it, our sex is amazing and I’m always satisfied. We both love each other deeply and his drive hasn’t really changed. He understands this wasn’t my choice, and when I am wanting it we go at it like rabbits. I usually initiate because even though he understands, the rejection hurts.

I don’t know what killed it, I don’t know how to get it back. I’m looking to change meds to one that might not hurt the drive so much (I don’t even masturbate anymore that’s how much the med affects me). I’m thankful my husband still loves me and understands, he doesn’t pressure or guilt trip me about it either.

I lived with a boyfriend for five years and the sex stopped because he needed everything to be completely perfect—perfectly showered and shaved, perfect time of the night, perfect attitude.
Everything had to be perfect, and I would be rejected—no spontaneous sex, no surprises, no messy creative sex where you just want to grab that special person and fuck on the living room rug , etc.

I began to tie my self esteem with the idea of perfection, buying facial and body creams, working out, trying to keep my hair perfect at all times—which can be a good thing but it became an obsession with the realization that nothing will ever be as perfect as I needed it to be to feel wanted. After that, sex became too stressful because I was more worried about total perfection when the stars aligned than being able to feel aroused. It was so procedural and not fun while I would have anxiety to the point that I couldn’t even handle the business myself—five years of rejection at random times will do that to you.

And then the pressure and negative emotions tied with sex became so unpleasant, life was better when I decided I no longer wanted sex anymore.

When the sex completely stopped and I started rejecting him when he initiated, he often began responding with how I was a disappointment and emotionally bullying me, and then started cheating on me…and blamed me for it, which promptly ended the five year relationship.

This happened in my long-term relationship before my husband. I think at the time I told myself it was because we’d been together for a long time so the newness wore off, but I’ve been with my husband longer and I’ve never felt that way.

Really, I wasn’t feeling attracted to him emotionally. I wasn’t feeling listened to or respected and that made his physical appeal go way down. I didn’t feel excited about him or our partnership. I didn’t even feel like I wanted to go on a date with him so I really didn’t want to have sex with him. Honestly, I don’t think the sex was bad in technical terms but it just became somewhat of an obligation for his companionship at the time and that’s just not how sex should feel.

Not with this person anymore and we didn’t break up over lack of sex.

Long story short, I guess I just had a higher sex drive than he did. The sex was short, one position and I was lucky if I managed to orgasm. It just wasn’t fun, at all. I wanted to lightly discuss this with him without being overly harsh. But that’s just hard to do with any kind of partner I feel. No one jumps for joy at hearing about how bad at sex they are. All our talk did was give him a complex and I ended up just not engaging it anymore at all. We broke up a few months later over unrelated issues.