I wish I knew. I’m 20 and still have never gone on a real date because whenever someone gets close to me I panic. This guy asked me out last year and I liked him and then he went to hug me and I jumped out of my skin an backed out. I don’t know why I do that. Insecurities I guess. There’s one guy in my life I do feel comfortable with, I grew up with him and he knows that I’m not comfortable right away. During corona he joked the I would love this new world because I don’t really let people hug me or go near me anyway. But I usually let him, because he understands my fears better than I do and I trust him. I think it has to do with finding the right person. Someone who has patience for you and someone who understands.
I just knew. We met and had a connection right away, I was in an abusive relationship at the time and he ended up being my rock. I truly to believe that he’s my other half. It took a lot of us just building trust and me going to therapy to start getting through everything.
I didn’t have a fear of intimate relationships so much as a fear of being in the wrong one. I had feelings for my (now) BF for years as we were friends and no one else “felt” right among the people I tried to talk to and date. My only fear came from the idea of ending up with one of those people, as our conversations seemed so shallow or forced, and the spark just wasn’t there.
When my BF told me he liked me and we became more than friends, the only fear I felt was the fear of messing it up, but nothing about him or what our relationship or connection was like. About a year into us being together, I still feel no fear over how close we are, other than being afraid to lose that or if he stops loving me. But nothing about opening up emotionally to him or being physically intimate with him gives me fear.
I know our relationship is relatively short but we were friends forever before dating and I genuinely hope it lasts forever.
I used to feel uncomfortable with too much physical affection. it wasn’t my love language because ny parents really weren’t affectionate towards me growing up. until I met my ex boyfriend, that all changed. as cheesy as it sounds, he showed me love and how to love in ways I didn’t think I was capable of giving and receiving. we had such a strong connection and it made me comfortable to be fully intimate, emotionally and physically, with someone. i think it was also important that he loved me in a non-suffocating way that i didn’t feel pressured to be intimate. we met through mutual friends, I was 20. broke up a few years later unfortunately but I have no doubt he was my soulmate for the time being. he showed me how to love more openly and i’m thankful for that
I luckily never had that fear. I met my husband at a bar; we were both 28 and not looking for anything serious, we were just looking for fun.