What’s the weirdest thing a medical professional has casually said to you?

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to show everyone pictures of your tonsils.”

According to her, I had the most disgusting tonsils she had ever seen in her years in the business, and gosh darn she wanted to show them off.

After destroying my knee riding bmx at 17, the emergency surgeon said “wow, really fucked that up.”

10 years later and another serious knee injury from riding, I saw the same surgeon (he did a great job on the first one). First words out of his mouth were “I remember you. Fucked up the other one, huh?”

I had a doctor tell me that my metabolism is so slow that I would do very well in an apocalypse

When I was like 20, my endocrinologist took a good look at me and asked “are you okay with your face being so asymmetrical?”

I had never really noticed it before, but boy have I noticed it since!

Back pain, I’m not young. Doctor just said basically “Well, that’s just life for you. You’re tall.”

“So I’m just going to end up being a hunched over 90 year old?”

“Lol, you’re not going to see 90.”

“Um…pardon?”

“How many tall old people have you ever seen?”

“Oh…yeah…ok.”

Was living in a foreign country and had a cold / flu type illness. Went to the doc and he comes in eating a bowl of cereal. Already weird. Checks some things and says “do you know what AIDS is”? I’m in complete shock and say yes, I do. He follows up with “It’s a virus and there is no cure”. Goes on to explain why there is no cure, all while I’m seeing my life over as I know it. Finally ends with, “but you don’t have that virus, you have a different one, much more common and treatable but I wanted you to understand why an antibiotic wouldn’t work”.

Still in shock I’m like so I don’t have AIDS then right? He goes, no and walks out.

What a roller coaster.

EDIT: This was in Switzerland about 15 years ago and I’m American.

Yes, he was slurping his cereal the whole time.

EDIT 2: He did explain the difference between HIV & AIDS. Guess he just wanted to come in hot and get my attention.

Thanks all.

My surgeon, during surgery to replace pins in my broken finger that had been pushed out by my own body – “I’m really getting them in there this time, you little freak of nature.”

When my girlfriend was in the ICU one of the nurses sorta shrugged and said dismissively “she’s gonna die anyhow.”

She should have. Her kidneys had shut completely down and she was so swollen that her tongue wouldn’t fit in her mouth. We were making the decision whether to continue life support or not. She didn’t die. A month and a half later she walked out of the hospital and into my car for the ride home.

My previous OBGYN came through my line at my old job. For some reason I blanked on who he was. Like I knew I knew him, but for the life of me I couldn’t remember how. He saw I was struggling and said “Don’t remember me? I’ll give you a hint: last time I saw you you were in my office with your ankles in the air!”

Loudly, in front of a line of little old ladies fresh from church, wanting to buy flowers from the garden center.

He was an amazing doc and figured out what was wrong with me when no other doc could, but in that moment the embarrassment could have killed me lol

“If you want to help people, don’t go into medicine. As a doctor, I’m nothing more than a people mechanic, and much like a car mechanic, I patch people back together well enough to get them out of the door until I see them again. If I could go back, I’d run as far away from medicine as I could.”

This is no joke. I had a medical professional say, ” I used to be a Heroin addict So i’m pretty good at this.” As she was putting in my IV lmfao, I laughed so hard.

When I was 12 I had a dentist say “Hold on I think I might be counting wrong, you shouldn’t have those yet… okay never mind those are definitely your wisdom teeth. Your mouth is just huge I guess.” They said it was the youngest they’ve ever seen anyone get their wisdom teeth. They called in every dentist in the building to come look at my mouth.

“You just hang on right there we will get you a wheelchair and admitted to the hospital. We have to do a colonoscopy, but don’t worry I will knock you out before sticking a camera up your ass”

following a checkup…”we’re going to have to remove your testicles….just kidding, you should’ve seen your face”

Not me, but Mom. She’s in remission for a non-Hodgkins lymphoma that invaded her brain. She was getting a scan to confirm the cancer had left her brainpan and the doctor came in and said “Good news! We’ve scanned your brain and confirm that there’s nothing in there!”

My son is about your age and single, do you want his number?

• Gynecologist

“If you ever tried to have a baby, the kid would snap your pelvis in two and rip you in half.” Said by my gynaecological surgeon. He said it in the most casual manner. I was mortified!

I snapped both of my Achilles while finishing off a set of heavy leg presses with calf extensions. I didn’t close it all of the way and the sled crashed down on me, pinning my legs next to my head. (Yes- I was dumb not to use the safety pins! They weren’t there (they constantly disappeared to other machines) so I was lazy for not using them and paid the price.

The doctor looked at my scans and said “these are mirror images of each other. You must have good form.”

I asked my cardiologist I had growing up what the goop was they put on before echoes… he said, “Yak snot.” I believed him for way too long

“…wait did he say he wanted to be awake?”

When I was in the operating room waiting to get my appendix removed. I met the anesthesiologist and asked to him make sure I didn’t “wake up” in the middle of it. I didn’t want to be aware of what was going on.

He counted me down and right before it all went black, he said this to the surgeon.

I remember thinking “you assho…” and then it all went dark.