What would you name a newborn child if you really, really wanted to ruin their life, but wanted to maintain plausible deniability about having done it on purpose?

My granny is called Eileen. Little did my great grandparents know that she would contract childhood polio that left her with one leg longer than the other. I feel terrible for this, my granny is a Saint…but come on!

i had read a story about how a woman unintentionally named her daughter after a concentration camp. she said she just liked the name and had no idea. the craziest part was that she got pretty far before anyone told her.

The last name “Dyck” is very common in the area I live in. When I moved here in grade 8, there was an announcement over the schools PA for a “Harry Dyck” to report to the office. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, so probably Harry Dyck lmao

Name it “Porn”. In Thai language, it is a common name that shows up often. It means getting a good blessing.

Ex. If a powerful mythical creature grants you “porn” to be healthy and can recover fast, it means you have receieved a good “Porn”.

Knew a guy named Otto Graph. That was just weird.

Petal, Honey or Bunny. They sound like cute names for a little girl at first, except that it’s rather hard to be taken seriously years down the line when you’re a full-grown adult and trying to address a boardroom of important people and your name is something like “Petal Rose”, “Honey Little” or “Bunny Walker”, making you sound like a character straight out of a Beatrix Potter novel or a Sylvanian Families toy.

Tony spelled Ptoughneigh

I have a soft spot for Fontanelle.

This weekend I was doing some digging around looking at possible names for my next D&D character, a druid. I was looking at famous druids in stories and in history and stumbled upon the name Cumhall. The thing is, I didn’t stumble upon it on a website suggesting fantasy names, it was on a website suggesting genuine baby names for your babies and had a whole paragraph on the great druid Cumhall and whatever book series he was from.

So I’m going to say Cumhall. I’d just refer back to “my favorite book series” as plausible deniability.

Bonus: Berlin. I went to high school with a girl whose name was Berlin and she fucking hated it. Not because it’s a horrible name in its own right, but her last name was Wall. So her legal name was Berlin Wall. She was born in ’91, her parents fucking knew what they were doing

My surname is king so either Jo or Mark or Wan

There’s a guy here in dc shown on the news all the time. He’s like the spokesperson for the us park service so he’s on whenever there’s an event on or around the mall.

Anyway his name is Mike Litorist. They don’t pronounce the t at the end like they ABSOLUTELY SHOULD more often than not. It always amuses me!

Not the name you really wanted as a kid. Then you’re dealing with the press for a living? Lol

Edit: his name is actually Mike litterst. They just say litoris

Just fucking anything with stupid spelling. My kid brought a new friend around the other day and he goes “hi, I’m declan with a k and yes, I will be saying that for the rest of my life”. I was like, funny line but also poor bugger.

I had an art teacher in middle school whose name was Mrs. Cox. We would talk in hush tones about the potential first names she gave her son; “was it Harry!?” One day, she heard our musings and relented that she named her son “Seymour,” and that we were to end our none sense immediately. It had the opposite effect and our giggles when she walked into the room only intensified.

She had married into the name, but I’m unsure what her maiden name is. We later found out she named her first born son Seymour after her father; an apparent tradition in the family her husband chose to honor. Unfortunate for that boy that his last name was also Cox. I imagine school was not easy for the lad.

Edit: spelling, on mobile

Ljót Bergljót Ljótsdóttir.

English translation – Ugly Rockugly Uglydaughter.

This is a perfectly valid name around here and I don’t know why.

It’s dying though thankfully.

A girl I knew had a brother named Jack Zopf.

Chrisdoughpher as Christopher or MaughLeigh as molly

Ben Dover.

Legitimate actual person my sister knew.

His parents were really nice people too, just PAINFULLY naive. Deeply religious types.

Let us say after five years in a West London comprehensive, Ben was neither naive or religious.

Bambi Lam, if you’re reading this, sorry I kept singing Black Betty.

Gaylord.

Yes, this is an actual name, and it makes me depressingly sigh to think of it again.

My parents knew someone in university who called himself Dick (from Richard of course). Dick‘s last name was Trickle. My dad in particular can’t tell the story without laughing uncontrollably.

I’d say that Dick Trickle gets my vote.