Questa volta abbiamo cercato una domanda rivolta ai ragazzi.
I'm a 26 yr old American, moved out at 18 and have been doing well, living comfortably. By no means am I rich, but as a single dude, life is good.
My mom called a few months ago asking me for $1,000 dollars, promising to pay back whenever. I didn't mind, so i sent it over. It was only later on that I found out she was paying for some cosmetic surgery and had underestimated its cost…
She still hasn't paid me back, and I don't think she ever will. I got hit with a gut punch today when I found that she wasn't able to pay off a private lender for the place she was staying at. Basically someone bought her a little house and she was expected to pay him back through some sort of agreement. She didn't for whatever reason, and was forced to sell it to pay the guy back.
Now she's staying with a friend until she can qualify for a mortgage, while encouraging me to go with her on a family vacation. It's become clear to me that she's not financially responsible and doesn't have her priorities in place. It's only a matter of time before she asks me for more.
I don't care about the original $1000, and I don't plan on giving her anymore. But I love my mom. She raised my brother and I as a single mom working her ass off in some labor jobs so we could have a chance in the world. The thought of cutting her off breaks my heart. But I know it's not feasible for me to support her like this, but I'm worried she's going to end up homeless at some point. We live thousands of miles apart.
Basically wondering if anyone has come across a similar situation and how they handled it.
Ed ecco le risposte:
My buddy was in a similar situation, and I’ll tell you what I told him.
Your mom has to learn how to be financially responsible. You helped her out, she never paid you back, so you can’t help her out financially again. This does NOT mean you don’t love her. You do. It just means that you can’t support yourself and her financially. I know you want to help her, but if you keep giving her money, she’s going to keep flushing it down the drain. Instead, help her in other ways: advice, emotional support, etc.
My buddy didn’t take my advice and he still struggles with money. Last I spoke with him about it, he has multiple debts and is having a hard time putting money away because he’s constantly giving money to his mom. I hope you don’t make the same mistake.
I don’t lend money to anyone.
For family my policy is simple. I’ll feed ya. You can stay under my roof. You need a jacket? I’ll buy ya one. In a super bad pinch I’ll make a payment on something for you. All these are simple gifts. At no time will I hand you money.
My aunt does something similar to my cousin, although not for cosmetic surgery
Her reasoning is that he owes her, for all the money she spent while raising him. She doesn’t have any shame about guilt tripping him
When you “lend” money to family. Its a gift, never expect to get it back.
That being said, dont feed her bad habits.
I can relate. Love my mom to death. She single handedly raised my sister and I, working her ass off. But she was not the most financially responsible. Her credit sucked. So she put stuff in my name (electricity, cars, houses, etc…) and she always told me it would be fine. I didnt realize the repercussions until later in life (28 now) when my credit sucked because my mom never paid the bills on time. Long story short, I had to have a serious talk with her. I told she could no longer put stuff in my name because it was seriously affecting my life. It broke my heart to cut her off like that. But you just have to remind her that it doesnt change how much you love her. But there HAS to be a line drawn. Sorry OP, but there is no easy way to deal with this kinda situation. I hope this helps 🙂