What common mistakes do people make when choosing a life partner?

Thinking love is enough. It can only get you so far if you’re not compatible.

Settling down with someone they think will change.

Making that decision when you’ve been an adult only a couple of years.

forgetting their life partner is going to be a parent too. some men make good husbands, but bad fathers.

Focusing too much on short term things and getting wrapped up in the infatuation. You don’t know this person and they don’t know you. Everything new feels fun, fresh, exciting. Everyone’s also on their best behavior, making good first impressions.

Regarding the short term things such as how attractive they are, how much money they have, how much fun you have together, etc. Will say as time goes on and people settle (I don’t mean settle as in bad, but settle into each other/the relationship) big breasts, 6’2 or money in the bank won’t matter when it comes to how they respect you, treat you, how you can support each other at 2am when a life crisis hits or if someone gets sick, somebody dies, somebody loses a job, etc. Or even in the throes of typical conflict, misunderstandings; can this person respectfully communicate and problem solve with you or do they become defensive, abusive, nasty?

Stuff like that IMO.

I think of examples of people who were a lot of fun, seemed carefree, etc. but ended up absolutely sucking when it came to having emotional intelligence, empathy, or coulyd offer support to a partner for real life problems. Basically if I never had emotions, feelings or problems, we could get along swimmingly because I had zero needs and then they didn’t have to ‘step up’. Long-term that doesn’t work obviously.

Focusing on thrilling relationships instead of supportive, stable and kind ones. Toxic relationships often feel intense and can sometimes feel good, especially at first. You end up putting up with a lot of pain in hopes that the good times come back but they never come back long term. Kinda like how drinking feels good when you’re 21 but it messes you up long term.

Settling with the first person that shows them the absolute bare minimum of human decency

Not trusting their gut instinct and ignoring their common sense.

Focusing on convenient sex, looks, wealth, making older relatives happy, choosing those with outwardly charming or fun personalities rather than compatible lifestyles & mutual ambitions.

Hiding their true self in order to be “compatible”. If you like dancing and they don’t or viceversa, would you be happy with that for the next 30 years ? It seems simple but it is the simple, small things that make or break a relationship.

How long can you save face? Choose a partner that is compatible with what you already are, not someone who has potential to be perfect.

Not living together first. You’ll really know what you can put up with for life.