What are some unwritten social rules that evevryone should know?

Never eat someone’s food without asking them.

When you give a compliment, try to stick to things the person has control over. Acknowledge effort over natural intelligence, style over natural attractiveness, good choices they made over just being lucky.

If you ask someone how much you owe them after they pay for your meal and they say “don’t worry about it”, you should give exactly one confirmatory “are you sure?” before thanking them and moving on. Fewer doesn’t properly acknowledge their generosity, but any more makes the situation awkward.

Put the cart back when you are done loading your groceries.

1. Walk on the side of the sidewalk, not down the goddamn middle. It’s fine if there’s nobody else on the sidewalk, but when other people are coming by, the two of you have to split the sidewalk in half to pass, and if you’re taking your half out of the middle, it’s because you’re a dick.

2. Walk on the correct side of the sidewalk. If everybody going your direction has been walking on the righthand side of the sidewalk, that’s the correct side, and you’re walking into people because you’re a dick.

3. No, I don’t care how many of your friends are involved in this conversation. When somebody else is coming, you move into single-file so that the other lane of foot-traffic gets its fair share of the sidewalk. If some poor fucker has to step into the gutter to get around your group, it’s because you’re a dick.

4. The back half of the bus is fine. Some of us want to use those seats. If you stand right in the goddamn way, even after the bus driver says over the PA for riders to move to the back, it’s because you’re a dick.

5. If I quit smoking, and you offer me a cigarette or try to peer-pressure me into smoking hookah with you or you spend a full hour urging me to try out snus with you, it’s because you’re a dick.

6. Vaccinate your kids, you fucking dick. If your kid dies of the fucking measles in American in the 21^st goddamn century, it’s because you’re a dick.

7. Stop calling that $3 hat you got at Hot Topic a fedora. It’s a trilby, and you look like a complete tool, because you’re an idiot.

8. I’m drunk as fuck, so if you’re gonna give me shit, you’d best understand that presently, I’m a dick.

9. Shower daily. No, I don’t care what you read on Cracked about using shampoo every day not being ideal for your hair. Get in the goddamn shower. I can smell you from two rooms over. Jesus Christ.