Link to original post: https://reddit.com/r/relationships/s/Bwh7kDQx2t
I (23F) am sorry for being MIA, thank you everyone for your advices, this is an update for those that are interested.
I would like to tell everyone that I called off the wedding and explained everything to ex fiancé (33M) , which he responded that he's sorry for being insensitive and not stopping his friend's comments, and that he will work on being more respectful and that he didnt want it to look like hes supporting but he miserably made it that way, he had spoke to her (30F) and he blocked her and asked me for both of us to seek counseling therapy, but I am so confused and not sure if I want that. So I called a break and asked for some space, in the meantime all I'm thinking about is going back to Europe to finish my masters and focusing on myself.
And for those judging the way I wrote the post I am sorry but I am not really familiar with MassimoL that much 😅.
And to the person calling me insecure and jealous, every human being feels jealousy in their relationships, and I do too, but when it came to this situation, no jealousy was involved or felt just disrespect.
Tl;dr: I called off the wedding.
That’s great for you. Go do what you want. Don’t tether your self to him. You deserve the life you want with someone that you don’t have to ask them to choose his future wife over a racist friend.
The only person I saw specifically using the word “jealous” was /u/Masculinism4All . But that username pretty much screams “Tater Tot” anyways.
They’re always “sorry” when they don’t get what they want. Your ex fiance isn’t sorry. He didn’t care enough about your feelings to validate them or be supportive. All of a sudden he wants counseling 🙄
Please focus on yourself. And move on. Racism is insidious. It sneaks up in ways you don’t expect. Except here, you already know it’s there, loud and proud. Why deal with that when you don’t need to?
Well done to you for sticking up for yourself and your values. Do not give this man the time of day ever again. You’re young enough that in a couple of years this will be a distant memory and a just a wild story from your early twenties. All the best to you!
Honestly feels like he is just blocking her and saying he spoke with her to appease you into not calling off the wedding. Like a child caught stealing cookies then immediately putting it back like it wasnt a concious decision to steal in the first place.
Im happy for you that you didnt get stuck with someone that have no boundries with shitty people. Their inability to grow up and cut toxic people out of their lives will directly affect you if you get married and share your life together.
Hoping the best for you to meet someone truely amazing in the future.
The original:
Did I overreact by not wanting to invite my fiancé s best friend to our wedding?
My (23F) fiancé (33M) thinks I’m overreacting because I decided to exclude his best friend(30F) from our wedding. My fiancé and I have been together for three years, for most of the time we both did not share the interest or curiosity to get to know each others friend on a deep level but I always knew one of his close friends is a girl that apparently is sweet even tho she suffers some mental issues, last month I decided to get to know her and text her as she lives in the north of our country. I would like to give a little description about the diversity of races in our country, the north is 99 percent habituated by white people, while the rest of the country Is mixed, the north where both my fiancé and his best friend are from is usually known to be racist and I was nervous in the beginning if he will be too since i am not white but he isnt, he had to defend me and fight in so many situations where I was racially profiled or called a slur by strangers.
Going back to last month, I started chatting with the friend and she seemed sweet until she stopped texting back after a week which i found a bit weird but she’s an adult and she has her life as I do so I dropped it, last week, I was going through Facebook, when a post of hers came out, and I was shocked, it was a known racist joke that people use in my country to insult people from my city who are not white, I decided to click on her page and check more, there was a lot of posts being racist to people who are mixed like me or black people in general, humiliating them by posting random people’s pics and saying “what is this skin color so ugly that even God would want to create it”, then there was other posts about people from my city that she was insulting.
I was hurt but more disappointed cause I wanted to be close to her but I was surprised with this, I told my fiancé about what I saw and he said that he knew and that those posts are old and she was not on her meds even tho she just posted a similar post 16hours ago, I told him that I am not comfortable inviting her to our wedding since my whole mother’s side is black and from the city she is racist to and that I would rather have my family not be insulted even behind their backs and that she is not welcome in our house in the future and that I don’t understand him being friends with someone who’s racist to his soon to be wife even indirectly, which he answered that I’m overreacting and that if it was directly meant for me he will end the friendship and that she’s just sharing her opinions.
Tl;dr: Did I overreact by not inviting my fiancé best friend for our wedding?
Calling off the wedding was the best thing you could do. Go have fun. You are way too young to settle.
I’m sorry, he thinks you need therapy for not tolerating racism? I call BS