So I’ve told this one quite a few times but I used to intern for a judge. Most of his cases were drugs,dui, or prostitution. One day a woman is brought up from jail for a hearing. (drug related) She is a regular in the courtroom, and is in one of the drug dependency programs.
paraphrasing the conversation.
Judge: ‘Tell me what happened’
Woman: “I was leaving the methadone clinic and this guy asked if I wanted some fire ass dope’
J: ‘He asked what?’
W: If I wanted some fire ass dope’
(lawyer whispers to her)
J: “Some fire ass dope?”
W”Yes fire ass dope’
J: ‘I take it you used it and that is why you are here’
W’ I did and it was damn good’
I once attended oral arguments for US Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit. It’s pretty much the big time.
I watched a lawyer argue that his client received what’s known as “ineffective assistance of counsel” at the trial from which she was appealing.
The attorney however was not doing a very good job during oral arguments. So, at one point one of the judges on the panel leans forward and asks him “counselor, are you currently providing ineffective assistance of counsel?”
They were a group of 20-something college students who showed up drunk, in bikini bottoms and t-shirts that were basically see-thru.
Ah – my time as a wet t-shirt contest judge.
Obligatory, but he doesn’t know how to use the internet, so I’ll answer for him.
Hearing had to be done like four states away because it was BIG news in the home town. Man was not able to speak at his own DEA hearing, pending criminal charges. He literally just had to sit there. For three days. And there was a surprise witness, which led to about two minutes of testimony on the word “daddy” in a sexual context.
Best case I’ve ever worked.
Obviously not a judge BUT I sat in on court proceedings once.
An off duty Police Officer was arrested for driving drunk in the city she worked in. The arguments made by her defense were incredible. First one was that no RN had taken the officers blood. Which a hospital representative clarified this is normal. Reiterated that for something this simple they can have residents/trainees do this as part of their learning. Second one was that the BAC content was higher because the alcohol was fermenting in the bag. That the exposure to air increased this process, thus raising the tested level. Which was promptly shut down by an expert testifying that is not how it works. That alcohol doesn’t continue to ferment and produce higher numbers from a blood sample over time. Finally his last ditch effort! He tried saying the blood was tampered with and/or not tested correctly. There was a chain of custody provided and everything else that was needed to debunk this.
The officer looked very defeated by the end of our sit in. The judge basically had to tell the defense to put something better together. Finally even the judge got tired of this “see what sticks” approach and shut it down. Flat out put the defense in his place for creating this fluster cuck