My wife of 13 years doesn’t hang well. I’m a couple of years younger (42), not that I think it matters. But whenever it involves hanging out with my family there’s always some reason why we need to leave early versus hanging out with her family. Who in all fairness seem kind of emotionally abusive in comparison to mine. Like today we did a 60th birthday for my Aunt and we only stayed for a few hours. We never actually discussed when we wanted to leave, so I and the kids were confused when at about 6:00pm she said she wanted to go. She said it’s because she had to work early tomorrow, which is true, but at no point in the weeks before the party did she ever say we should leave early. We’ve gone out on a Sunday many times, it’s usually 8 or 9 when we decide to leave. Which honestly is much earlier than I like but I acquiesce. But when we see her family we are there for the long haul. I don’t get it, she likes my family, they are nice to her. But she gets all paranoid that nobody likes her because she’s the “killjoy” of our family. I don’t want her to think she’s the source of her own problems, but very clearly to me she is.
TL;DR My wife hates that she’s the killjoy that she basically is.
Maybe you guys should take different vehicles so you can leave when you actually want to instead of when she decides she’s done. She also doesn’t have to go to every single one if she doesn’t want to.
Why don’t you two talk about how long you will stay at events?
The mantra of this sub
TALK TO HER
Why does she feel uncomfortable? Who doea she feel uncomfortable around?
Why can’t you take separate cars or get an Uber ? You need to discuss this prior to when you go out.
Info needed:
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how much difference is the travel time between your family events and her family events.
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who is doing the driving to these events?
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if this is recurring and bothering you, why do you not discuss the plans before you leave?
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has she ever mentioned to you that she feels unwelcome in your family? Does she generally get along with them or not?
Leaving at 6pm on a Sunday before the work week starts isn’t killjoy behaviour.
Why is it being a killjoy to leave early? Plenty of people have a low stamina for social gatherings and that’s okay.
Start talking to her more about how long she wants to stay at events, and how she feels about them. If you and the kids routinely want to stay much longer than she does, you can discuss her bringing a separate vehicle to leave early, or joining you later in the event so you guys can leave together.