Married Women of Internet: how do you feel about having a “little crush” on someone other than your spouse?

I definitely notice attractive people but, in my opinion, to let it get far enough to develop a crush is not something I should let happen. I would probably distance myself from any man or woman I start having romantic thoughts about.

I am married, not dead :/ that’s how I feel about it.
Even people in monogamous relationships, it doesn’t matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home.

If it goes beyond a crush and you start confiding in them in ways you wont your partner, go out of the way to be “friendly” just to be closer and all that then its emotional cheating but a passing crush is fairly normal

For me, it would be an issue that would cause me to do some serious self-reflection and consideration about my relationship. I don’t experience crushes like that at all when I’m in a relationship, so if I did, it would make me rethink the relationship and our connection. We’ve been together 18 years and I’ve never once had a crush on someone else in all that time.

I know many other people are different, but for me, it would be a red flag that something isn’t right in the relationship.

It really depends… certainly a cute guy is a cute guy to me and I’ll probably get all awkward if I find someone attractive and they’re talking to me but I do have a cautionary tale from my youth that I’m sure no one will read because I’m too late to this post, but hey.

I got married at 22 to someone who was a GREAT friend and not terrible looking, but I wasn’t super sexually interested in him. I thought it was my issue and that other people just didn’t really get me going… he was my first, and I hadn’t dated much prior to him so I never really experienced true mutual physical attraction. Around this time, I found myself fantasizing about my coworkers in meetings, creating super sexy scenarios in my mind. One night, my coworkers and I were all out drinking and I ended up making out with one of the ones I found attractive. It was (at that point) the best kiss I’d ever had. It was so hot, passionate, and I found myself very turned on — something that I had never experienced up to that point. I came clean to my spouse, and we moved forward with the relationship. After that point though, I kept thinking about the kiss and realizing I was missing something. Several “crushes” came and went, all with the intense fantasies, all with me trying so very hard to be faithful.

Eventually, we moved and I once again developed a crush on a coworker. He was objectively pretty hot and he indicated interest in me right off the bat. My logical brain recognized all the red flags but it had been about 6 years at this point and I realized that the entire time I had been fighting very natural desires. I separated from my husband, and I did eventually end up hooking up with this coworker which, at the time, was the best sex I ever had because I actually had physical attraction to this guy. He, of course, turned out to be a douche and that didn’t last very long. I went through a ton of soul-searching and dealt with a lot of guilt for leaving my husband who was such a good friend, but I knew it was totally platonic, and that I would be fighting these “crushes” for the rest of my life unless we decided to open the relationship. He rebounded quickly and made it clear he didn’t want to try again with me, so I set off single for the first time in my life.

I did the dating thing but had to always check in with myself and be honest with how I truly felt about the person, not how “good” they were on paper, or that they felt like a cool person to hang out with but I didn’t want to kiss them. I followed some passions and ended up in a fun part-time job to supplement my career. It took a couple of years but I developed my first real crush on someone at this job. I took it slow, and dropped subtle hints over months and he dropped them back. Eventually, we went on our first date, and it was the first time I had dated someone in my entire life (including my husband) where I got butterflies in my stomach, and I really felt a strong connection to them.

We’ve now been together for almost 4 years. I have never developed a “crush” on anyone since then.

TL;DR: crushes might be innocent, but they might also be nature’s way of telling you that you’re not physically satisfied in your current relationship and it may be time to examine that

There are two wolves battling inside you. Which one will win? The one you feed.

I get crushes about once or twice a year, but I don’t feed those dogs. I don’t bring myself closer to the person I have a crush on, don’t spend time alone with them, don’t let myself daydream about them, and just let the feelings slowly extinguish over time.

If I fantasized, fed those feelings, spent time with the person, etc, then it’s emotional cheating. I have a duty to my husband to not feed into feelings that would lead me away from him. I choose to feed the wolf of my marriage. 💪😎

Having a little crush is normal. Actively pursuing it or crossing boundaries is not.

I’ve been married twice. The first time my partner was a walking talking cheater. I never felt secure in our marriage. All of my fantasies were of other men.

I’m now married to the most wonderful man who makes me feel loved and secured. I can’t even pretend to fantasize about anyone else. There are no crushes, I don’t even think about it.

I think it’s probably fairly normal.

You cant really control if you find someone cute, but you can control your actions around the thoughts