You can argue both of these points are present with anything that you do. For example one can say that altruists only are kind because they expect some sort of compensation for their actions. Realistically, they probably act out of good will, but will become irate after x incidents where they did not receive gratitude for it. You just have to realize what you want to portray as your identity.
There will always be somebody that will praise you and somebody that criticizes you for your actions and appearances, but to me the biggest turn off is when people act fake in front of others to elicit a favourable response.
Your question is a deep one and a good one. There is much we don’t know, and much that has gone into you feeling this way. It sounds like unconscious things are happening that you don’t understand. We don’t know you so we don’t understand these things either. As a mental health professional, I would recommend processing these things with someone with the expertise to help you identify the unknown about yourself. You are worth it.