Questa volta abbiamo cercato una domanda rivolta ai ragazzi.
I'm 25, and while making any decision, from what clothes to wear to my career path, I worry about how it will affect my attractiveness. It's gotten to the point where an action/activity has no meaning to me unless it can make me seem more attractive. For instance, the idea of exercising “for myself” seems entirely nonsensical, as why else would I want to exercise besides making myself more appealing to women?
It seems that most of the men I've met don't operate in this fashion, so how may I break myself of this unhealthy paradigm and start caring about things just because I care about them?
Edit: I am on the autism spectrum, and have had to make numerous changes to myself in order to fit into society at large; the term is “masking”, I believe. As such, “just being myself” doesn't seem to really be an option if I am to avoid ostracization.
Ed ecco le risposte:
I feel like I can answer this as a woman. You should focus less on what will make women happy and instead focus on what makes YOU happy. It sounds like you really need to get in touch with yourself and who you truly are. Plus, once that happens attracting women will get insanely easier. We can tell when a man is trying very hard to be a certain way, but there’s nothing more attractive than a man being honest about who he is and what he likes.
Reframe the mindset. The actions you take are intended to better yourself, with attracting women being a by-product of that. The same could be said for improving work ethic, with the by-product being a promotion, for example.
As an aside, despite being common advice, a “focus on oneself” does not mean you’ll do better with the opposite sex. It’s best to just drop that aspect of the mentality entirely and endeavour to make that focus purely to do with you.
Your actions and what you do have to be for you at the end of the day. Does running and lifting make my body look better to women? Yes, but I do it because they are things I generally enjoy. I enjoy them so much I found a job where those activities are part of the day to day.
Am I likely to find and attract tons of women by going to the coffee shops(pre COVID) and reading my books or studying for my certs/GRE? Probably not, but I’m doing it because I care more about if I’m happy with who I’m trying to be rather than who I’m with.
You gotta figure out who you are, who you want to be, and how you’re going to get there. You’ll meet plenty of people along the way. Some will stay, some will go. But at the end of the day it’s all up to whether you are happy with yourself.
idk if this is relevant but ik that i excercise ultimately for myself bcos making me more attractive makes me happier and more confident
I mean, they make up half the population. You can certainly not care about them sexually, but if you just don’t care at all it’s going to make navigating society rather complicated…