Lady on the express A train loudly exclaims she’s going to read out loud a short poem. This was to take place during the 7 minute express train trip from 59th to 125th. We are trapped with her.
Me: Shit!
Her: Would you rather I read a long poem?
Me: I’d rather you read it in Braille
Once in a bus some guy told me after a long line of back and forth shots “if you go to get your fat sucked it’s not coming out of my taxes” and I said “I don’t really expect you to have money and pay taxes”
When I was in grade school my mom got me some kids book that talked about standing up to bullies. One of the recommended responses to bullies’ mean comments was, “You’re linguistically inhibited, look it up.”
No. Not a good comeback. No at all. Nopeity nope nopers.
You’ve always got Jimmy Carr’s finest:
If you want my comeback you’re gonna have to scrape it off your mum’s teeth!
My husband was singing obnoxiously so I asked him to stop. He said “you don’t like it? It’s my solo.” I said “okay, please sing it solo I can’t hear it.”