Today i broke up with my BF because whenever i get hurt by something he always says ”you shouldnt get mad over this” and makes me explain my feelings over and over and he never gets it. Then he says that he already said sorry (he only said ”ok sorry”) and that he is not going to kiss my ass. For me an apology has to be sincere and i have told him what makes me sad and he STILL questions my feelings all the time. And say ”but so and so doesnt get mad when i say this” and always makes me feel like a sensitive b*tch. He doesnt change his behavior so i dumped him. I am tired of never being understood but I’m sad because i still love him. Did i at least make the right descision?
Just think of it like this, your boyfriend of 5 years made you feel like that. Do you think of you can deal with it for another 5 years. 10?
Thank you for your post. I(26m) feel like my situation with my current GF seems pretty similar with the key difference beeing that I am the BF with those stupid comments.
I’ve always tried to comfort her in these situations since I think that here outbursts are stronger than they should be(also stronger than yours).
My reactions were simalar to those of your BF but a bit more conforting(at least I think so)
I will send her a link to your post, since she is currently at work, but will have a talk about it when she gets home, so I can correct my behavior if she thinks its wrong and try to prevent me from possibly making a big mistake.
Thank you for opening my eyes in that regard.
I think you made the right call. He was being incredibly insensitive to your feelings. A good partner would validate your feelings, and never invalidate them, even when you are arguing. You deserve better.
I’m on other side. I did exactly as your BF invalidating her feelings and I lose her. I still think of her everyday. Every second of it. We ended things in a good way. Sometimes we talk and that’s it. But now I see that I failed on so many other things that did hurt her a lot. So there’s a lot of guilt inside me. This was two months ago after 4 years and a half. Thanks for your post.
As someone whose situation is eerily identical to yours, I wish to have your courage OP. It is incredibly infuriating and dehumanizing to receive a mere “sorry” without any context or commitment to change. The constant need to explain oneself is exhausting. You did the right thing. Thank you for this post.
Yes you made the right decision. It’s just the attachment feelings and memories of the good times, are making you reminisce. You can acknowledge all of this and also acknowledge that you weren’t right for each other.
I think you clearly articulated ur reasoning and communicated what did and did not hurt you properly. If he still did the things that clearly upset you after u told him multiple times, then he didn’t value your feelings, only your presence.
If he wanted to change his attitude towards u, he would. And if he had a problem with it then, hey, he has a mouth, he can communicate just as much as anyone else. Your value doesn’t fluctuate just because someone’s actions won’t conform to your expectations and that’s ok.
You laid out your expectations and he didn’t step to the plate so someone else can. Yes this decision will hurt and hurt and hurt but it is natural to want to miss the good parts of a relationship and feel miserable about someone who is no longer in your life.
In time, I hope that hole in ur heart can be filled with either self love or the love u deserve from someone else.❤️🦥
You made the right decision. You’re only asking this because you still love him and it’s hard to let go, but if you stick with this decision and keep healing to move on, you’ll find someone way more attentive in the future. Don’t settle.