How can you tell alcohol has become a serious problem in someone’s life?

Not for me, but my mom. She used to have a few beers most nights and get drunk occasionally, but now she seems to be getting drunk every single day. I’m 26 and I visited her on Sunday to see my two kid brothers, and over the 4 hours I was there, she was slurring her speech and noticeably meaner.

She keeps asking me to call my brothers because they “never listen to her”, but from what I could tell during my visit, it was mostly her starting arguments with them. They didn’t respond like adults, but… they’re not. And she continued escalating it.

I’ve always thought she’s been a bit of a “drinker” who would always have problems quitting, but she’s also never had a problem immediately stopping cold turkey when she was pregnant with them, including caffeine, and I was always pleasantly surprised. But that was 10 years ago.

When they have to drink to feel normal.

When they can’t go a day without a drink. And they start to get angry or defensive about it.

I’ve recenlty had some success with weight loss, part of that success was quitting booze cold-turkey and for the first two weeks I did struggle to avoid drinking– I had really abused alcohol during lockdown. But it got easier over time. I’ll probably have a glass of wine sometime but right now I don’t feel like it.

My mother asked me for some tips when she noticed I was visibly losing. I told her about the booze part, and she got really angry, like really angry and defensive. She flat out told me she would never give up alcohol, even if if inhibited weight loss progress.

That really freaked me out.

When it starts effecting their normal schedule. Calling in sick from drinking the night before. Cancelling on doing things because of drinking the night before. Just being a flake. Constantly complaining about money yet can always afforded alcohol.

My wife has been battling with alcoholism for the last 2 years. We spend anywhere between 160 to 180 dollars a week on vodka. I buy her the 375 ml bottles as its the only way I can some what keep her moderated other wise shell drink a 1.75l bottle in a day. I feel awful as I’m the one that goes and buys it for her but I would feel even worse if she got behind the wheel and killed someone. Shes been in and out of detox and the er numerous times (At least half a dozen in the last year alone.) And we are hoping to get her into a state funded rehab soon.

Edit: thank you for the advice but I’m not yet ready to throw in the towel on a 16 year marriage just yet.