How can I protect myself financially in a gray divorce? Husband (72 M) and I (72 F) celebrated 50th anniversary with our family in July. This month, husband moved out and is filing for divorce . We are both retired from full time jobs. Income is from Social Security (H $3.5K, me $1.8K monthly) and annuities. House has a $90K mortgage, $1900 payments. Husband has run up $7K on a credit card I didn't know about until now. I currently work part time at a school, which gives me $900/month for 7 months. I want to stay in the neighborhood where my children live and where I have friends. TLDR How to protect myself financially in gray divorce?
Get a lawyer. Freeze your credit.
Lawyer up immediately. I know the cost sounds prohibitive but you have rights that you may not be aware of. First, second and third thing to do in this situation is GET A LAWYER. I’m so sorry you are enduring this. 50 years is a long time. But you can survive this.
This whole situation makes me depressed.
Get a lawyer. And you may also be entitled to some of his SS benefits since he gets a higher amount than you do.
What’s the house worth? Subtract the rest of the mortgage and any liens and divide it in half. That’s how much you actually have in savings. If you’re not sure what it’s worth look at comps to get an idea. Comps are houses of similar stats (square footage, number of bedroom, number of bath, lot of land) in the neighborhood that are or have recently been on the market and will allow you to ballpark.
Do any of your kids own their own property with a yard? Check the local ordinances and with your kid and spouse about building a backyard cottage/tiny house designed to age in place. Assuming they’re in their house for the long haul. Use the proceeds from selling the house you and your ex shared. In the long run it increases the value of you kid’s property as the next owners will likely use it as a rental.
It’ll keep you close, especially nice if there are grandkids, while not intruding on their space.
Depending on your kid’s (and spouse’s) consent and situation you may need to pay for renting the land, maybe not.
Alternately see if kid and spouse are interested in moving to a multigenerational house with your contribution (house money) it may be an upgrade for them.
Best of luck
Protect your assets. If he is trying to leave you dry and poor, do your very best to show that two can play that game.
If there is an volunteer arrangement offered that is more favourable for you than what you are legally entitled to, take it.
> I want to stay in the neighbourhood
Bluntly put, that may prove to be impossible unless,
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he decides to volunteer financial support for the house, or
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one of the kids have financial muscle and willingness to buy him out of the house for your sake.
Seek legal counsel. You don’t need to pick the most expensive lawyer in town, but if he gets one, you are going to need one as well.
You want to ask this in r/financialadvice or r/legaladvice
Speak to an attorney ASAP. File for divorce/formal separation so he can’t run up any more debt that you’re potentially responsible for. Don’t sign anything your husband gives you without showing it to your attorney.
You’re lucky that he left. He likely thinks you’re too stupid and will be too upset to do anything so he likely didn’t take anything important. Go through every single papers in the house. Check all “his” spaces for anything hidden. Document all assets. Any savings, investments, properties. Photograph every single thing on the house. Use this time to get all your ducks in a row. Let him think Yorkers in shock and need space and time to process. Use this time to work with your attorney.
Do not waste a second. He’s been planning this and he’s trying to catch you out.