Honestly, downvote if I am wrong, but lately I think there’s a LOT of confusion about being asexual lately. Being asexual is not about being abstinent, or having a sexless relationship. It is a about a lack of natural sexual attraction to either sex. Same way you can be gay, and still stuck in a straight relationship. Being gay, or asexual is how you feel naturally, not how you act in your choices in life.
I’m on the ace-spectrum somewhere. I’m just indifferent about sex, but I like seeing my partner happy so I engage when they want to. I get satisfaction by satisfying them.
I am super not into sex, my ex was super into it. We were poly and kinky. Things ended up not working out between us, still kind of feeling that I guess but working on being friends anyways.
It helped that I did not restrict their sexual activities with others and that we were both queer identified. Lots besides sex to relate to until they grew into another person. Good person, just not the same one I had married. So when the emotional connection fractured there was no sexual connection or kids to keep us together.
It’s important to remember that asexuality is a spectrum. There are asexuals that experience some sexual attraction/desires on occasion (grey-asexuals) and there are asexuals like me who never have any such feelings, and of course many in between. I (21yo male) am kind of disgusted by sex, especially vaginas, just don’t like em. I’ve been with a wide variety of partners (males, females, agender, transgender) and I’ve never been able to get into the act of sex. It just feels wrong but I often will give/take because it’s kind of hard to get rid of all together unless you are with another asexual person which isn’t all too common. My desire for a close intimate relationship still exists but its very hard to carve one out, as without any sex the vast majority of people feel as if a piece of the relationship is missing, and that’s ok. Sometimes I wish I were born different but I feel lucky that I get to experience the world through a lense that so few are able to at the same time.
I came here hoping for knowledge and left extremely disappointed.