granted, every bit of your flesh is transformed into monkey paws all meshed together. as you have no mouth you cant state your wishes and since the monkey paw is magical in nature you are not in risk of dying anytime soon
just you, the man made of monkey paws, and infinite wishes that you cant use to get rid of your suffering.
Granted. You have the ability to grant others, including your family, infinite wishes, BUT you must enact monkey-paw like consequences, even for your close friends and family. You have become the monkeys paw, and must make the people close to you suffer if they ask for wishes.
Granted, now you wish everything
Granted. Anytime you use a wish a cactus of varying sizes and species comes out of your ass
Granted, like with unlimited internet, you get unlimited wishes, but you can only have one per year