This dude was being manipulative and actually benefitting from your rape trauma. He’s the damaged one! What a cold pos.. he is trash.
You’re better off without him!
My favourite dbt principle is
‘you may not have caused all of your problems, but you have to solve them anyway’
You have made a conscious decision to put your mental and physical well being first, you have taken control, you have decided that you deserve better in a relationship and trust me that piece of shit does not deserve a place in anyone’s life.
I am so proud of the step you have taken. I know it hurts like hell right now, but things will get better.
I wish you so much luck and happiness ❤️❤️
Look into EMDR as a treatment for PTSD. Your situation sounds like mine, however I was only 14 at the time and waited for over 10 years before seeking help. It’s hard, but it is the type of therapy that might help you. Talk to your therapist and possibly a psychologist about it. I’m so sorry that you had such a heartless partner. You are incredibly brave for being open and honest and deserve the time and support to recover in a manner that helps you. Do what you feel is right and make sure your friends And family know what he has done and said. That way they know he is toxic and is not allowed into your circle.