Your mom has a right to her feelings, but she has zero rights to dictate what you should or should not feel. It is okay to be mad at your dad – what he did hurt all of you, and he needs to atone for what he did to your whole family. Tell your mom and dad both that you will support them working out their marriage but that your view of your father as a person has been forever changed and you don’t know if or when you will get past that, but they can’t force it or rush you, so they’re just going to have to let you feel what you feel.
I kind of doubt your mom is perfect either. There is more than one side to this story. Your feelings are perfectly valid but its not your relationship. I was married for 23 years and the last 10 were completely sexless. I had someone hit on me at work and started seriously considering cheating on my wife. I realized I really wanted to have sex and intimacy as a part of my life and I wasn’t getting any younger. Life is too short to be unhappy. I went home that night and told my now ex wife I wanted a divorce. 3 years later and I’ve never been happier. Even with the nightmare corona has caused with my business my relationships are awesome.
I think men of those age get tired of the anxious behaviour of wives too, After all men only look for emotional dependence but end up hooking up just to feel loved , idk if it makes any sense … I’m not defending ,rather sharing a perspective, everyone thinks they’re doing the right thing while crossing boundaries too ,..us as humans ..we only need a partner who can understand us, whenever we share our mistakes and not bash us down with their own insecurities, An ANXIOUS person can make this happen to a normal relationship , your dad might have done a few mistakes upon which your mom must have shown resentment towards him or her , and that kind of passive energy translates whenever there’s a disagreement, hear me out disagreements are normal ,but whenever there’s anxiety in a relationship ,it can go from heaven to hellish situation pretty quick,. I am not here to judge ,and my advice would be to not judge them as well, talk to them, they’re prolly both hiding to accept their mistakes…if one makes mistakes ,they should be given love not be anxiously gaslighted all the time.. reply if this made any sense, also you’re a strong human ,and the way you think can trigger you anxiety.. that’s all it is, ..a cycle of ANXIOUS environment..just know that these things are normal..and they only happen when we make our own negative reality than talking it out and understanding the situation too. all the best ..I mean you got this… it’s a normal thing.. you’re gonna be just fine!