Advice for right now/tonight: DO NOT text your wife. If you say anything rash it will certainly be used against you in a future custody/divorce hearing. Better yet turn it off and give it to your parents. Once you’ve done that go have a drink or whatever you do to relax (I’d recommend smoke some weed if legal where you are)
Advice for tomorrow: Call in sick to work. Probably for the rest of the week. You need legal advice ASAP and likely from multiple different kinds of specialty family lawyers. One to deal with your sons issues and one to deal with your wife. You also need to look into freezing shared asset accounts (checking, savings, brokerage etc). Freeze is the key word here, if you withdraw or close it could be used against you. People do crazy things in times like this especially when it comes to money.
Best wishes, you will get through this, just breathe and don’t do anything rash it will come back to haunt you.
Edit: while you’re sitting in that parking lot alone get a good cry in. You’ve had a rough day, just take solace in knowing that things will get better. You have to be strong for your daughter so hang in there.
Do your best to keep your daughter out of this. Consider having her stay at your parents house as this blows over and remember she needs your protection. You can explain to her the details later when your head is cleared. Till then get a lawyer as soon as possible and consider counseling to help deal with this horrible situation. These are unsteady waters, but you need to weather it for your daughter. Rely on your support system (parents, lawyer, counselor).
As for your son, at this time he’s made his choice and unfortunately, he’s 18..which means he can reject your guidance if he wants.
Same goes for your wife. In both cases, that’s out of your control. What’s in your control is your ability to deal with this safely. You can do this, approach with a plan.
Please update us. This is horrible! Your wife and son are assholes! No wonder she’s been acting like a lunatic!