I’ve been though this twice… Everyone says that life is to short to be miserable. But life is TOO LONG to be miserable. Kids are resilient, they’ve grown up in an environment where divorce is no longer tabboo. They will recover. It’s better for them to have two parents that are thriving and happy, separately, than parents “staying together for the kids”. You know in your heart the actions you need to take, but it’s fucking scary. I’ll give you that. Is fucking scary. Difficult conversations are never easy, but they are worth it. Good luck to you!
You only get the one life to live…
Time to start a convo with her that involves the word divorce. Not saying you want one neccessarily but saying you can’t go on like this and if she doesn’t want to try thats ok, but divorce is the consequence. There might be nothing that can be done, but its worth opening that dialogue.
Why don’t you guys try couples therapy before calling it quits on a 22 year marriage?
Do the world a favor and try counseling? It sounds very much like you are both responsible enough to give it a reasonable try.
You can be happy either way.
Your wife and kids can be happy either way.
But it sounds like you’ve built something wonderful, and you might just need a change in perspective to see it.