About 6 weeks ago we found out my wife was pregnant, about 6 hours ago I found out she was cheating on me.
I wish I could make this up, and I swear it feels like a bad dream. I’m so shocked and upset.
I have been with my wife for 10 years this year. I thought our relationship was great. I’ve never felt more comfortable or happier. We are both 28.
I’m gonna make this incredibly long story short. She has been cheating on me the last 1.5 months with her ex. Apparently they talked on Facebook when she reached out to tell him happy birthday (she instigated by doing this I am assuming). They slept together 3 times, hung out 6.
She was going to tjmaxx sending me pictures of baby clothes but hanging out with him.
This woman was my world. I did everything I could for her. I was so excited for this baby. We were trying. She swears it’s mine and there’s no way that it’s his, but she lied saying they only slept together once. He told me 3 times, she finally admitted it. She said that she told him she loved him but didn’t mean it. My thing is how would she love him after only one month? They dated like 13 years ago. It’s just hard for me to believe and I’m questioning if the child is even mind. It’s literally the worst day of my life guys. I’m terrified. My anxiety is awful. I feel so sick. She’s texting me saying she wants to work it out but she was so shady.
Apparently she turned off life 360 and her mom noticed something was up but didn’t tell me. Come to find out she told her mom she saw him but they just talked and nothing more. I have life 360 on my phone because my brother, sister and wife wanted to be in the loop with where I was which was fine. But I don’t use it to track them and never have. I trusted her 100%. It doesn’t feel real. I keep hoping this is a bad nightmare and I have anxiety and it’s freaking me out so bad. I can’t believe she did this to me.
We have a home together, all of our finances are together, this was the life I wanted and now idk how to move on. I’m so betrayed. She was the sweetest woman I’ve ever met and I’m just in shock idk how to feel.
She needs to get a paternity test asap, if its yours you’ll need to figure out the legal arrangements of the child. Find any evidence you can of her cheating, you’ll need it for the lawyers. This sucks a lot and take the time you need to grieve but now it’s time to handle it to protect yourself
This is terrible. Get your affairs in order see a lawyer build your proof and get that dna test.
28 year old wife of 10 years cheating with an ex? Was this ex from high school wtf?
See a lawyer, get a paternity test.
I say this to everyone who’s a victim of cheating. They’re not sorry they did it only that they got caught. It takes hours of continuous multiple choices to cheat on someone. From reaching out, to flirting, to making plans, to getting ready, to meeting up, to all the physical stuff. Everyone knows cheating is devastating so the choice to cheat is the choice to prioritise their pleasure over your wellbeing.
If the child isn’t yours just split. Leave.
If it is, maintain a functional relationship (even see a counsellor if you’re not sure how) but don’t allow contact for any romantic purposes she’ll just lie to you again.
- She pursued ex on Facebook
- She cheated
- She lied
- She told the other guy she loves him but “didn’t mean it”
- She turned off Life 360
- 6 weeks ago, and pregnant for 1.5 months
Just one of the above is enough to end a relationship. As tough as it is, this won’t get better if you do decide to stay in it.
You need to BREATH, OP.
Tell her if there is ANY CHANCE of this marriage working, she needs to give you space to think. Obviously this marriage is dead because she let it drown while having sex with this other guy, but you need to get her to cool her heels so you can start taking steps to protect yourself. Turn off any track apps.
First step is to get away from her and calm down. Breath. Go to the gym, meditate, do whatever you need to push through this immediate disaster. Once you have your head in the right place, call your brother and sister, tell them everything – you need support. You need to tell everyone in your support network so they can expect you to need them to lean on because your heart and soul have been shattered and you are going to be fighting to pull them back together.
Thirdly, get a fucking lawyer. Possibly do that before calling your support network.
This marriage is OVER, OP. You gave everything you had, and that wasn’t good enough. People who cheat don’t stop cheating. She is giving you all this lip service because she is losing her fall back – she wanted someone to be her rock while she went and fucked around. NOTHING that comes out of her mouth is trustworthy.
DNA test NOW. Tell her you need that or else it’s instant divorce (you are still going to divorce her, because lol no fucking way she is mature enough to be in a committed relationship) but you need to know for a fact if the kids is yours.
If it is not, then you need to find out through your lawyer if that means you are on the hook for child support, because yes, in some places the husband is no matter if he is the blood father or not. The test needs to be through a legitimate group, and you need to make sure of that. If the child is yours, then you need to switch all your emotions off and figure out how to are going to coparent with someone like this. Do what’s best for the baby. GO TO A FUCKING LAWYER TO GET CUSTODY ARANGMENTS WRITTEN IN STONE. DO NOT be one of those people that ‘work it out themselves’ because when you have a lying cheater as a coparent, those agreements are just like your marriage vows – they don’t mean shit to your ex.
Your wife is not your friend. She is not your partner. She doesn’t love you and WILL NOT DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU.
YOU need to protect yourself.
I’m sorry you are going through this, but please, take a step back, put on some music, your comfort movie, a cozy game, and get your head in the right space. Figure out how to lower your anxiety and think of things logically. this relationship is dead. You can’t be in a marriage with someone that can not be in a committed relationship. It’s not possible, and she clearly can not be in a committed relationship. Do what you have to in order to protect yourself so your child – if it is yours – has at least one parent that has their shit together and can set a good example.
And that means not allowing yourself to be disrespected like this. I know you might be avoidant to divorce her because you come from a broken home, but babe, that’s not what makes a bad childhood. Shitty parents make a bad childhood. If you are a good and present father, your child is going to be happy. It doesn’t matter if you are still married to a spouse that cheats on you – that’s not what makes a happy, healthy child.
A parent with self respect, boundaries that they maintain and enforce, and empathy are what make a happy, healthy child.
Breath. Alert your support network. LAWYER. DNA test.
Don’t make any quick or rash decisions. Talk to a lawyer. Make sure your finances are separated and in order. Get a DNA test. Now I’m going to tell you what you don’t want to hear. Only 10-15% of relationships survive infidelity. Once the trust is gone, you live in a constant state of paranoia and anxiety . You don’t want to live your life as a prison guard on your gf.
Right now, you can’t fathom being alone. You have your whole life tied into this woman. But I can tell you being lonely is much better than living in fear, wondering when the next time it will happen. Your gf didn’t get blackout drunk at a party or club and sleep with a random guy . She deliberately sought out this guy for multiple encounters. I’m not sure how that translates to she really loves you. And take her act with a grain of salt. She is now panicking because she realizes she blew up her future family. She isn’t necessarily sorry she cheated, she is sorry she got caught.
Can you make this relationship work? Sure, anything is possible, though the odds are against it. But even if you can make it work, it will never be the same. It’s a whole new relationship because basically, the old one is dead.
She wants to be with you because most likely her ex dumped her. Remember if you were her first choice she would have never cheated on you. Easier said than done but you need to dump her cheating ass. Do you really want to be with someone who had sex with another man while possibly your child was growing inside her after she promised to forsake all others? That’s a whole new level of evil. If you stay you will never have a piece of mind because the trust in your relationship is gone.
Most times the best way to get through something is through it as fast as possible. First get a lawyer and know your rights as it pertains to paternity and what to do and not do. Second get a therapist. You’ll need it. Third read chump lady and prepare yourself for the shit show to come. Also check out Fallens guide here on MassimoL. Your 28 and if the kid isn’t your you have plenty of time to find someone that’s not going stab you in the back. Right now it’s a 50/50 chance that kid is yours. Think about that. Your wife has basically gambled with your happiness and mental and physical health by stealing your agency and having a affair. This isn’t about you. She’s broken and she needs to fix herself. She’s going to use that baby against. Her family is going use it as leverage to get you to stay. Your family may do the same. If the kid does turn out to be yours you don’t have to be married to be father of the year. You can still be the best dad and find happiness again with someone else.