I've (27F) been dating my boyfriend (26M) since 2016, and he proposed to me this past Sunday. I told him that my answer is probably yes, but I have to think about it. I told him there is just so much going on right now, what with the pandemic and all, and I need some time to think about it.
Here is some backstory. My boyfriend sells Pokemon cards for his job. He runs a big store where he holds events and stuff for local Pokemon Leagues, and when there is a bigger event, called a Pokemon Regionals, he packs up his shop, and goes to vend at those events. I don't really play Pokemon, and I've tried to get into it, but it just doesn't really appeal to me. But he really loves it, and it makes him happy, and he makes a really good income off of it, so really I don't have any complaints.
During the first stretch of our relationship, we were spending a lot of time with each other while I was unemployed. He was working from home at the time, and had not yet established a physical storefront for his business. He was doing mostly online sales on some websites that he was registered in, but every couple months he would pack up his minivan with as much stuff as he could hold, and drive out of the state to a Pokemon Regionals. I never got to go with him before because I always had work, but after I was laid off, I didnt have anything else to do that weekend. I asked if I could come with him, and so I went with him.
At the venue, he was amazing, There was like a hundred people around his store booth at a time, and he kept zipping around to each of them. I wasn't working for him, i was just sitting in the back of his booth with my laptop open, just watching him and his other coworker do his thing. Then the actual tournament started and everyone was sitting at the tables playing their games, and the amount of people who came to the booth was only a couple people at a time. Probably parents of some of the younger players.
After Round 4 or 5, my boyfriend said he was going to go get some food for us. The business had died down, and at the beginning of the rounds, we werent getting much business since everyone was seated. So my boyfriend left, and his coworker handled the shop. After a few minutes, his coworker asked if I could watch the shop while he ran to the bathroom. I figured why not, I've helped my boyfriend with his shop at his house before, I could handle this no problem.
So I was alone in our booth, and some kid around 15-16 years old comes up, and hes wearing a charizard hat, except the charizard was blue and black with blue fire, and he was wearing a shirt with a Pikachu wearing a wrestling belt pointing to the sky. He points to some of the cards in the case, Shaymin EX, Jirachi EX, Charizard EX, and some older vintage retro cards like Pikachu Star, Entei Star, Raikou Star, Suicune Star, and Base Set Charizard. I remember the cards he asked for very well. He asked if he could see them so he could check condition. So I took them all out of the case and handed them to him and then he asked if we had any VS Seekers, and I didnt know what those were at the time so I told him to wait a moment and I'll check the trainer boxes we had behind me. When i turned back around, the kid was gone, and he had left with the cards I handed him. I freaked out and texted my boyfriend and told him we might have gotten robbed, so he said he'd rush over right away
My boyfriend got back before his coworker did, and the first thing he asked was where his coworker was. Then I told him what happened. I asked him how much he lost and if he was mad at me, and he told me that he wasn't upset with me. He said I got taken advantage of for being inexperienced and his coworker should have never left me alone since i don't work for the store in the first place. And he also told me that the amount that was taken wasn't very much and it wasn't important.
But I'm a member of the same Pokemon trading card game facebook group that he and everyone else are a part of, and there was a whole post about it trying to find the kid responsible. one of the convention center cameras picked up the back of the thiefs body but I dont think they ever caught him since my boyfriend would have told me about it. But in the discussion, he had revealed that he lost almost 7000$ since I ended up handing the thief all the Shaymin EX and Base Set Charizards that were in the booth.
This was 3 years ago. I have dreams every so often of me handing that kid these cards and the kid has like a devils face or my boyfriends face and I always wake up in tears. I think about this all the time. I havent helped him sell cards in his store since, although I did support him and help him when he moved into a physical storefront downtown. I love him so much and I know he has long forgiven me, but I dont think I can get married to him. I dont think I'll ever forgive myself for this.
I really need help and advice here. I'm afraid to talk to him about it. I'm afraid to say yes to the proposal. But I'm also afraid to say no.
you should voice this to him. even though you know he forgives you, sometimes all you need is to hear it again. idk if this helps at all, but as a random stranger, i wouldn’t put any of the blame on you at all.
People have lost a lot more money than that for a lot stupider reasons. He’s right, you were a victim and were taken adventage of, it happens. Just like if you were mugged or pickpocketed, I’m sure he doesn’t blame you for it whatsoever. And on the plus side, his business has continued to flourish and he can live off of it, so really no harm done in the long run. Forgive yourself, talk to him about this or even a therapist, but don’t put it in the way of your happiness.
Shit happens. To everyone. Please don’t let pokemon cards and an innocent mistake stop you from being happy.
Forgive yourself.
It should be stated that the cards were worth 7k.i greatly doubt your fiance paid 7k for them. Most likely he paid a fraction for them, or traded up for them.
In addition to that, you were robbed. That’s not your fault
Refusing to marry him because of something YOU did wrong is literally adding salt to the injury imo. Its like you’re punishing him for your own mistake.
If the issue comes from the fact that remaining close to him reminds you of this event, then maybe you should see a therapist ? Your bf really seems fine with what happened.