I first posted this on r/AmItheAsshole, but was informed it would better fit here, so I repost it here.
I love writing stories, and the characters I write are all rather diverse. I‘m also bisexual, and my boyfriend knows this.
Now, recently I began writing a fantasy novel while we were in quarantine together, and I‘m quite far along. My boyfriend is always pretty excited to see me write. He also sometimes asks me, if I have a character which represents him, which I find a bit weird. I normally never write about real people in my story. I just love to create characters from scratch and to let them act in a world entirely fictional. So I always say “oh, those are only fictional characters, they represent no one”.
He seems confused by that, but doesn’t say anything else. I was almost finished with my story, when he asked me, if he could read it. I said yes, but he shouldn’t have too high expectations, because I didn’t really proof read it yet.
Now I should tell you a bit about the story.
It‘s basically about a princess and a maid falling in love in a really conservative society. Basically people want to marry the princess off, but obviously she doesn’t want that. This is basically the “background” of the story, but there is still a lot of other stuff going on which is too much to get into.
He read it in a few days, and he got really quite and avoided me. I was a bit confused, but thought his stressful work might be the reason.
He then confronted me yesterday night and asked me, if I really loved him. I said of course. He then asked me why I was writing about a lesbian relationship. Again confused I said that the story was interesting for me. He then accused me of self inserting myself into the story to live out my “forbidden feelings”. We then began arguing with him requesting that they brake up in the story and the princess to end up with a male character he really liked. I then said I was planning for that character being gay, and him and the princess later to work together to escape their situation. He blew up at me and demanded I change the story, even kill the lover of the princess. I then also screamed, saying I can’t do that because I grew to love these characters and I want them to have a happy ending.
Now he doesn’t talk to me, and I don’t know what to do. I really don’t want to change my story, but I also want to mend my relationship.
He’s basically being unreasonable and projecting his feelings onto your story. He probably says he is okay with your bisexuality, but in truth he probably doesn’t understand how it works. And what it means for your loyalty. It’s going to take a conversation of reassurance and explanation to let him know what exactly your bisexuality means, but also how it doesn’t mean you don’t love him and aren’t loyal.
Does he think that George RR Martin wants to marry his sister? Does he think Stephen King wants to bring dead cats back to life? Does he think Dan Brown wants to steal the Declaration of Independence or whatever tripe it is he comes up with? Seriously.
Your boyfriend is not great at expressing his emotions, and assumes nobody else is either. There are no magic words you can use to explain to him how literature works if he doesn’t already understand it at 24.
It sounds like he doesn’t understand fiction lol? My fiancé wouldn’t give a single fuck about this. I mostly write fantasy. I can’t imagine my fiancé asking me if I’m actually sexually attracted to vampires or something over him lol… or even lesbian vampires for that matter ?. It’s normal to write about all walks of life. I’ve had lgbtq characters in my writings as well. I’d have a talk with him and explain that it’s fiction like very clearly lol. I know some people just don’t have a liking for fiction and can’t relate to it because they’re too set on realism, and since he keeps trying to relate your characters to real people I wonder if maybe that’s his issue? I think if it’s going to be an issue with him projecting like this and genuinely getting upset I’d no longer share my writing with him. Or maybe he’s a homophobic person? Which is a huge no no.
Some people might not agree with me, but he needs to get over it. It’s just a book. He’s obviously got it in to his head that you want to be with a woman. You can talk to him and explain that you being bisexual doesn’t mean you want to go off with other people, and that you’re loyal to him. If he’s going to be this angry over it though, I don’t think you’re ever going to convince him otherwise. I agree with you that you shouldn’t change your book. It’s supposed to be yours, and personal to you. You’ve fleshed out these characters and their personalities and grown to love them. Why should you have to shove some nonsensical romance between two characters who don’t interact in that way for the whole book, just to convince him that you don’t want to leave him for a woman? Nothing kills a story like a quick shoved in there romance, and his reasoning is ridiculous to be honest.
I don’t know how you’re going to make this better with him if I’m honest. If he wants to be a petty child just because you like writing stories with diverse characters, that’s his problem. He doesn’t have to read them. You shouldn’t have to change what you love just to please someone else. Just because he doesn’t like it, doesn’t mean everyone else isn’t going to like it. I actually think it sounds quite interesting. I hope things get better for you.
I don’t mean to be rude but doesn’t your boyfriend have any better business besides arguing with you about your pieces of art?
It seems to me that he’s either a very jealous and insecure guy or even a homophobic/biphobic one obsessed with the idea of heteronormativity. Anyway, there seems to be nothing wrong with you.
Not everything in the world is about your boyfriend or his relationship, and people around him can actually make up stories from scratch if they have enough imagination for that.
I would try to clear this up for him, but if he denied to understand it he would definitely be free to go wherever he thinks his unwanted advices are welcome.