I've been engaged to my fiance(25, f) for one year. Our relationship has been two years and we've been friends for 6. She's always been monogamous but has decided she wants to be poly now and have us see other people on our own time and experience life and that there's all these interesting kinky thing she wants to do and fantasies that she can't live without experiencing. Neither of us are vanilla and have had plenty of partners in life before eachtother… but I'm just not interested in haing anything but a closed relationship. I have no problem with polyamory if all parties consent and that is their orientation, great!!! But it's just not for me and I don't want to participate in it.
She's been saying I'm weird and crazy for this, that all guys would die for that and good luck to me ever finding a girl who isn't secretly also poly, that I'm going to get cheated on, that this is how humans are SUPPOSED TO BE.
It's my personal opinion that humans weren't “made” to be anything but whatever they enjoy as individuals and that we are all different.
..and we've actually split up now because of it.. among several other reasons.. I told her I simply just can't see myself in that life and she's just baffled with it.
You did well to split up. She was not so subtly trying to force it on you but was going to do it and cheat on you anyways. Wouldnt be suprised if she already had a good idea of someone she wanted to be with and was just wanting for you to say okay. Don’t get back together with this person that was prettt garbage of them.
I stand my ground and stand by what I’m okay with and will firmly state what I am not okay with. I believe that it is okay to have boundaries. But I hate hearing the statement that “humans were actually meant to be poly, and monogomy is just because religion and control. “
I think if she had enough of you she would have split with you. Suddenly wanting to open things up and being so forceful with her views tells me she had someone ready that she wanted to start with just needed your permission for a clear conscience. Better off without her.
No, not all men want to be polyamorous and the fact that she’s saying that is evidence that she doesn’t understand polyamory or basic relationship dynamics, like “not all men are the same.”
It sounds like she wants to get married to you but also continue to see other people and so she’s trying to force you into “polyamory” so she can continue doing whatever she wants without feeling guilty.
She’s not the one, my friend. Run. She’s selfish and dumb for thinking all men like the same thing. Don’t you want your partner to think you’re one in a million, not ‘just like all the other men’?
If she says that it’s either be in an ployamourous relationship or cheat…. that’s a red flag. I would bet she may end up realizing that it (sex with random people)’s not all that she imagined it to be. Can’t say for sure. Either way I think you made the best choice in the situation, Good luck, I hope things get better for you.