I've been reading subreddits on advice, parenting, relationships, and the like. If any gamers are reading this I want your perspective.
I(38f) have been married to my husband (37m) for five years. We have a 7yo son of his from a previous relationship, and he and I have three daughters under 3yo.
If he isn't working or sleeping it's games. We are 2nd in his life. We fight and fight and fight on how little he does in general to help the family.
In December 2019 he was in a terrible motorcycle accident and is still recovering from home. Hasn't worked since. He is fucked up from the waist down but perfectly fine from the waist up. I thought a near death experience would show him the light of what is important. Nope. Even more games. Even less time helping. We are going on five months of living off my wages. Now with covid things are worse. More games. I throw a fit, he is better for a day or so. He now sits and “watches” the kids while playing games on his phone. It's constant.
I'm ready to pack up his computer and underwear and have him go live at his mom's where he can continue to be an adolescent with no responsibilities.
I suspect you’re going to get a lot of responses about depression and gaming addiction. Which, like, those are real issues! But, speaking as a depressed addict myself, at this point it honestly doesn’t matter. You’re the sole breadwinner and housekeeper and doing about 95% of the work raising four very young children (THREE babies, oh my god, I can’t imagine). This is not a sustainable situation. Whatever the precise ratio of ‘can’t’ to ‘won’t’ driving your husband’s behavior (and to be honest I’d bet it’s a lot more ‘won’t’), things cannot go on like this.
It sounds like he’s pretty good at pretending to improve for a day or two to get you off his back, so stop trying so hard. You constantly babying him into raising his own kids is not sustainable either. Step back and let him either take the wake up call or decide he’d rather live in his mom’s basement. He’s 37 years old, if he needs to go to therapy he can get himself to therapy. You literally, physically can’t do this for him and you’re going to burn yourself out trying.
Once the situation is stable and you’ve gotten a little rest you can think about the future – do you want to stay married to this guy? I can’t imagine staying in love with someone who treats me and the kids like this, but I’m not a parent. But that’s a problem for the future. You have to put out the fire before you start thinking about structural damage, and this shit is on fire.
I don’t have advice, but holy shit women. You’re superwoman!!! The children are very blessed to have an amazing mother like you.
I have 2 and I raise them alone, but it’s nothing compared to what you’re going through. You’re strength is my inspiration.
You tried to get through to him but he needs professional help with what ever he’s going through (or he just doesn’t care enough to change and support your family). He’s not going to change no matter how much you micromanage and baby him. I agree he needs to go.
Honestly, his being depressed or not, you’ve got more than enough on your plate without this shit. I’d have already packed his stuff, thrown it in the front yard and called him an Uber. You’re already doing it all by yourself. Shed yourself of one kid (him) and at least don’t have the extra stress of him being there doing nothing.
It’s bye-bye time.
You’re married to and decided to have FOUR kids with a man child. Goodness.
He’s not going to change. Hind site is always 20/20.