It has been over a month since this happened. I didn’t post this earlier but I am posting this now.
My (32F) husband z(30M) and I have been married for 3 years now, together for 5.
Our marriage isn’t perfect, but we make it work. We both were fairly in shape when we first got together, but I gained a lot of weight when we had our kid and haven’t since then.
We are all Indians and it’s somewhat acceptable to pull each other’s legs. Mostly family does it and there isn’t any malicious intent. So my husband routinely teases me about my weight gain but I know he loves me and I try not to it personally. Because even I tease him about how long he takes in the shower and how obsessed he is with styling himself in front of a mirror, as a guy.
My husband has quite the following on Instagram usually posts a lot of reels and it’s usually harmless and fun stuff. I was scrolling through Instagram and saw a reel about me, how much he loves me and all. I thought that was sweet. Immediately after, I saw another one – this one was also about me.
It was a 5 years ago vs now pictures of both of us. With the background voiceover (not his voice, pulled a dialogue from a popular movie) translated:
“Before wedding, my responsibility was for 55 kilos, now it is 75 kilos and it keeps on increasing.”
Followed by a cackling sound. I don’t know what happened, but a switch in me flipped. I felt humiliated and ashamed of myself in a way I had never felt before. I felt anger and hurt at my husband for something that was normal ribbing for both of us.
My husband was away on a work trip so I didn’t contact him. I went through some MassimoL advice for similar situations and most people advised serving divorce papers so should I go ahead with it?
Cut to present: yes I left divorce papers on his nightstand and went to my friend’s house, two days ago. The entire family, including him and my parents have been hurling insults at me for bringing shame to their family. They told me there’s no concept of divorce in our culture and I should just keep my mouth shut of these feminist BS and come home to tend to my family because as a wife and a mother, that’s what I am supposed to do. That nobody will marry me because I am trying to be a divorcee ( this is true in my culture)
My husband said that he didn’t think I’d snap at him like that and thought this warrants a conversation of it hurt so bad.
I think I may have gone too far. I may be at the risk of getting disowned by my family. Should I just accept this compromise? Was I too drastic?
What compromise? Did he apologize? Take down the reel? Promise never to do it again? I see no compromise at all.
I’m an Indian (F) and I’ve seen way too many women in my family endure this kind of humiliation and disrespect from their partner, and whenever they contemplate divorce they are met with intense ostracism. I think you should go ahead with it if you feel like it’s not something you can get over and I’m incredibly proud of you for valuing yourself enough to leave a situation where you’re not being treated right. However, I do think you should do a few sessions of couples therapy to sort out your feelings and make sure it is the right choice.
Edit: rewrote for clarity
Hey OP, it’s really important to remember that 16 year olds post on here and don’t have the faintest idea what is involved in a marriage, so I would always take reddits advice with a grain of salt.
33F divorced here, I would take great offence if my ex had of done that to me. I would definitely talk about it with him first, see if apology and takes ownership.
Lmao congrats on introducing them to the concept of divorce.
ETA: what you did is fine. But be honest, it was more than just the reel, wasn’t it? Sounds like it’s just you against his entire family on everything.
If it hurt you so badly… is he serious.. you filed divorce papers… he hasn’t apologized and you family is just trying to bully you..
Only you can decide it’s your culture..
That would be so humiliating to me.. He didn’t think of you at all..
You said you just snapped, but what was leading up to this? What other behaviors have you been resenting that he does? Are you the only one being made fun of? We’re not them, so you can be completely honest here. I get this sense that you’re holding a lot back.
Post a reel with “They said divorce doesn’t exist in our culture even if your husband humiliates you for social media clout… but it sure as hell exists in the legal system”, with your cackle.
On a more serious note though, culture is not an excuse for toxic behaviors.
>We are all Indians and it’s somewhat acceptable
Just wanted to say, as someone married into hispanic culture where nicknames like “gordo” and “flaco” are acceptable, “acceptable” does not mean “right” or “kind”. It’s just not nice to comment on people’s bodies, period.
While it does excuse his intentions a bit since he’s part of that culture, you’re still allowed to say it’s hurtful. With future partners, you should set this boundary early and not excuse hurtful comments just because they were meant playfully or are culturally accepted.
If it’s not okay with you then it’s not okay with you, and that’s okay.