I (30M) got married to my dream girl (30F) last year. We’ve been together for 7 years and I’m more in love with her than I ever imagined possible. She’s smart, fun, hilarious, successful, beautiful, energetic, charismatic, defies stereotypes, and generally is just an extraordinary human being and a joy to be around.
Anyway, sometimes when I think about our relationship, or when I’m still awake and I see she’s sleeping peacefully (she’s adorable and I just melt), I feel a strange sadness. Almost a quiet and gentle mourning of the transitory nature of things—because I know these beautiful moments and this precious time is slipping by and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. It’s like a recognition that all things are temporary, which makes these priceless moments feel so sad.
I feel like the more precious the moment, and the more I try to be present in it, the sadder I feel. Because I know that it is just a moment and, as is the nature of moments, it will slip into the past.
Is this normal? How do you cope with these feelings?
There’s a section in the book Dare to lead by Brene Brown where she talks about how we tend to squander joy with catastrophic thoughts. While it doesn’t sound like yours are catastrophic in nature it is still the impermanence of joy that makes us uncomfortable with it. She suggests practicing gratitude, to work on being grateful for the things that bring us joy so that when we do feel joy we are more comfortable sitting it even though it makes us feel vulnerable.
Sounds like the level of joy you feels is exponential and brings about all new feelings of worry. It’s kind of beautiful that she makes you so happy. But maybe practicing gratitude in all things that bring you joy, could help ease the sadness that tries to take over?
These was just my first thoughts! Hope it’s helpful!
I feel like this about my husband sometimes. He is so amazing and I feel so lucky to know him. Our relationship is rock solid, built of trust and positive communication.
Maybe it’s the feeling of it’s too good to be true and your mind can’t accept it as reality.
I’m not sure about the poster that said you need hobbies. I worked full-time, school full-time and had hobbies and friends and still felt that way.
I’m happy for you OP, I hope the sadness isn’t too overwhelming.
It seems to me like you don’t have other things going on in your life of equal value to you so you’ve made her your everything. I’m sure your wife is lovely but it’s not really normal to feel sad when it’s meant to be a happy moment. You just need other hobbies/passions.
Yes, totally normal. Beautiful and true. I would recommend checking out the musical Company by Sondheim- it’s a meditation on love and marriage and all the complicated feelings that come with. Specially the song “Sorry-Grateful”. Not exactly the emotion you’re getting at, but still about simultaneous feelings of happiness and sadness in a marriage.
ETA: link https://youtu.be/HVoFRwniZMI
Yes, it’s normal. Or, normal if you’re in love. I’m not sure that being in love is as normal as people make it out to be.
There is tragedy in all true beauty.
Listen to Leonard Cohen’s first album and feel at peace with the melancholy of true happiness.