I have this too. I have actually had 3 emdr sessions to help me deal with these feelings
I absolutely relate, you’re not alone. There are times when just sitting next to my husband and thinking about that moment and how much I love him makes me tear up. We’ve been together for 13 years, and sometimes I still feel like I need to soak up every present moment, because you just never know how long you have. I’ve reflected on this, and aside from the obvious fact that I absolutely adore him, I think anxiety is a factor too for me. I’m always lowkey worried about the day one of us will leave this world, which is probably many many years away. Since I can’t totally shake that feeling though, I’m always mindful of now. The whole “hug them now while you can” phrase sort of applies across the board in our marriage. He’s also a really affectionate person, so we’re basically a codependent mess and I’m not even sorry.
I thought I was the only one. And I don’t know how to reconcile it, but you articulated the feeling exactly. I think maybe it’s a personality type that makes it difficult to be present unless in one’s own mind, and that’s a lonely place. I do exactly what you described, but worse by lashing out and trying to numb myself to avoid the feeling. It sounds like at least you aren’t doing that; and even if that melancholic feeling resides, you are appreciating what you have. Perhaps a therapist could help but as someone with the same feelings, I’m not sure. And maybe it just means you feel with more depth than the average person. I’m ranting…and apologize as I’ve been trying to work through this myself
In my last relationship, I actually have a profound memory of lying in bed before work, listening to the rain with our feet touching and thinking “hold on to this moment, this isn’t yours forever.” And it’s literally shaped my perspective of relationships since (because obviously it didn’t last).
If you find any useful insight, please share if you can. It’s a sad state of mind