I would feel the same way. I am still happily married but I have often pondered the notion of: if the worst happened, would I re-marry or live with someone? When I was younger, I thought yes to marriage, then, yes to just living together, now, living separately.
Honestly, I just am too tired to make that big of an adjustment. But I have a lot of crap to get rid of anyway. Perhaps, if the time came and I had it together and he had it together and we could each have our space and our things, maybe.
My sil met a man in their 70s and they married. He moved into her place because it was nicer but he needed a workshop so they sold her place as well and bought a larger one with space for him. And she was also able to renovate as she preferred.
Now they are both happy.
So, if this change were to take place, I would recommend that he sell and you buy a different place with room for both of you to have what you need.
im 50f and have been with my partner for almost 7 years. He has a nice suburban home he has owned for 25+ years and has told me many times i should just live there with him. I have a studio apt about 15 minutes away. I have 6 younger siblings and 3 adult children and this is the first time i have ever lived alone and i LOVE it. When we initially discussed me moving in i asked if i could have the guest bedroom. He said, What do you need your own room for? and that was off putting…..Im an adult and i need my own space……and we have very different ideas about decor and he is a teeny tiny bit controlling and ocd….and i have a lot of art and plants that there would be no place for at his house. i just dont want to move there and thats ok. Also, i like him a lot better if we have breaks from each other. I am willing at some point in the future to buy a duplex or adjoining properties but i have zero desire to live with anyone ever again.
My wife and I have separate living spaces (basically two houses stuck together), and share part of it. It’s amazing. We are a bit older, too, so it has been ideal.
Do you really think he would treat you the way your ex did? If so, why are you with him? If not, then why not tell him you would feel like a guest in a hotel, not like its really your home. I can understand how you feel. You want a place that belongs to both of you.
Just tell him you are too old for giving up your space. A good compromise would be more sleep overs.
As an older guy be aware that he may be trying to move you in to take care of him