I (F56) have been with my boyfriend (M60) for 2 years, and we live about an hour away from each other. We mostly see each other on weekends, when we take turns spending the weekend at each others’ houses.
He has more than one suggested that I move in with him (never the other way around – he owns a condo, I rent an apartment). I am very reluctant.
Ten years ago I freed myself from a very unhappy relationship. Not abusive, just unhappy. I felt stifled and confined by my former partner’s negativity. When I moved out and got my own place, I reveled in having the entire space to myself to decorate and live in as I see fit. I don’t want to give that up.
My fear is that if I move in with my current bf, I’d be giving up my freedom, and would have only one room as “mine” while surrounded by all of his stuff. Where would I put my stuff? I fear that my independent life would get buried, and I would live as an extension of him.
TL;DR! I(F56) don't want to move in with boyfriend (M60)
I totally get where you’re coming from.
When you get to a certain stage in life, moving into someone else’s home is really uncomfortable. Even if they are the best partner in the world, it’s not yours and you’re always going to feel like you’re shrinking yourself down to fit into someone else’s space.
Would you two consider finding a new place together? Or is it possible that you could move closer to him?
I knew a couple who had separate apartments less than a mile away. They spent most of their time together, but had separate hobbies. They were together for 30 years. Not everyone wants to cohabitate.
I got divorced 6 years ago I’m 38 and I have two kiddos 8 and 11. I have been in a relationship for a year and a half. I own my home and he rents a couple blocks away. After living with a man for 10 years, I really enjoy having separation of spaces. I could do this always especially as long as the kids are still here. I see no issue with two houses.
I would also be very reluctant to give up your own space to move in with someone. To be honest, especially considering your ages, living apart gives you the best of both worlds. You get to have the fun aspects of a relationship, but still enjoy your own freedom and your own space at home.
That’s certainly understandable but y’all should have a realistic conversation about expectations and what your relationship holds for the future. It could be that y’all want different things.