Hey so I dated you, after you dated this girl for 7 years. It destroyed your self esteem when you broke up, to the point that you were willing to do literally whatever I wanted to do just to keep me happy and keep me from leaving you.
Don’t be my ex. That relationship was not fun for me and it messed with my head and put me off relationships for a long time. He let her steamroll over him so many times that he was a complete pushover in the end and he desperately needed to be needed. You are worth more than that and you deserve a partner, not a project.
You’re not trapped but you care too much to leave her hanging.
If you think she will need extra support related to the breakup, you might consider timing it so she has an appointment with her therapist the next day and even (only once you’ve broken the news to your girlfriend) leave a voicemail for the therapist so she is aware that your girlfriend is likely to be in crisis.
If you are worried she cannot support herself, and only if you can easily afford it, you may want to offer her a loan (get it in writing) or just straight up give her the funds to get herself setup in a less expensive apartment. This is by no means necessary and goes above and beyond but it may assuage your guilt.
It wont be easy on her at first but the relationship has run its course. You are not someone else’s life raft.
Please leave her. This relationship sounds toxic as hell.
I’m going to say what I feel needs to be said though. You clearly stopped really caring about her a long time ago, if you ever did. You mention most of her family being dead and her having anxiety and depression only as a burden on you. Not a hint of compassion. She undoubtedly has trauma and probably needs extensive therapy but all you appear to think of is how that affects you. And if she’s going to be in a relationship it needs to be with someone who can have more empathy and patience toward her. On the flip side, it sounds if you’re in a relationship it needs to come with less “baggage”. I’m not going to condemn that.
That’s not to say that she is healthy for you either, or that you are obligated to be okay with the relationship or that you haven’t suffered. It has been hard on you no doubt. But you both need to do some self work after this is through. It’s cruel and dishonest to another person to stay with them when you see them in such a way.
My parents have a similar dynamic. My dad has complained for decades, acting like a victim while simultaneously enabling her behavior. The truth is you are a grown man, and you are only responsible for yourself. How much longer do you want to allow yourself to be a victim of this circumstance?
Just leave. You think that being in a relationship where you feel like that will make her happier than being alone/single? Don’t drag her along and just end things.
I understand both of your sides. I’m quite depressed and insecurely myself, going to therapy once the pandemic thing quiets down. But don’t you think your gf sees how much you hate the relationship? I saw it very clearly with my bf. He went out with his friends every time he saw that I was down because he started to feel depressed being with me when I was like that. There were the things he said, that made it very clear that he was tired of my depression. I told him one day that okay, let’s break up since I can’t change overnight and he’s unhappy. That simple.
I also don’t have any friends nor have I a relationship with my family. But I don’t have a problem with it. My bf was also my “only friend” and I wanted to do a lot of things with him. Once he got fed up and yelled at me to “get some fucking friends and stop being a loner.”
You think that made me feel better? I was fine with hanging out with him so…idk
It’s so fucking hard to motivate yourself to even get out of bed when you are depressed. There are things you obviously don’t understand and frankly you don’t have to.
Do what’s best for you and breaking up would be best for both of you. Then she wont rely on you and you can both focus on yourselves