My husband and I eloped this summer after a whirlwind of a spring when we met. He’s the light of my world and he means everything to me. He struggles with communicating his feelings/thoughts when he’s stressed or upset. He feels that he’s drifting away from his passions and is feeling lost under that and the general stress of being a provider. I want to know how I can create an even safer space for him to feel safe and secure. I try my hardest to always open the floor to him with zero judgment, while taking his problems seriously and not downplaying them, doing small gestures and always reminding him how he’s loved and that none of his hard work he does, to take care of us, goes unnoticed. It breaks my heart to see him in such emotional toil and I sometimes feel I’m failing him. Our relationship/love has been far from conventional in the context of timing and of course it’s a bit difficult to understand and learn each other’s needs while being married instead of while “dating”. Regardless of the irregularities in our marriage and relationship- I want to be his rock and his support to my highest abilities because he deserves it. He truly is one in a million. So MassimoL- how can I help both my husband and myself be more apt to integrate healthy communication skills and feel/be supportive in the way we need? Thanks for reading.
There’s a life time of conditioning to over come.
You cannot EVER bring up something said when he was low.
This is gonna sound terrible, but treat him like a small child: physical affection, overtures of affection and communication, comfort foods, relaxation etc.
You mention he is stressed at being the provider… if you are not already can you become a financial provider in the relationship too to ease this stress? As well as your good consideration on the emotional side I mean.
Firstly I want to give you massive props for your understanding and love that you have for your husband. One of the best things to do honestly is ask him about his hobbies and what he enjoys to do in his free time. In life we all have to give ourselves at least 5 minutes to do something we enjoy to try and unwind from the day. If and I say if because I am not sure of the dynamic you and your husband have but if you both work( i would not know if you both are at this point in time) it could help with taking care of the main finances you both could have more time to do things you both love. I hope this helps, wishing you both the best!
Attend couples therapy together and have him go to his own personal therapy.
You can be there as his rock and support but it sounds like these are issues he has to work on himself too.
It really depends on the couple, each person has their own positive triggers, and talking things out, while generally helpful, is not always the best course of action at the moment.
Just to give you an example, one thing that has a tremendous positive effect on me is when someone cooks for me or gives me great food. This may sound silly, but that’s how I function. A nice meal made with love is so meaningful to me.
Learn what are your husband’s tastes and desires, the little things that make a lot of difference for him. A lot of times you can’t really solve anything, but you can be there with him and that’s a lot.
give him a hug
It sound stupid, but „just be happy“ is the solution.
He should stop overthinking problems of the past or his decisions he made.
Instead focus on what‘s possible now and pull through.
Might also be if he‘s loosing hair (some men tale balding seriously.)
Make a regular schedule with to-do‘s, get out and do activities at least once or twice a week.
Roughly Regular sleep schedule, getting up in the morning by having something to do (routine helps, like making coffe or doing work)
Really just get him something to look / work forward to.
Depression is driven by lack of goals and regret over past decisions. You need to get him back into the moment. Also, r/DopamineDetoxing if he‘s frequent user of social media, p*rn etc. etc. might help.