Before we got engaged my fiancé had talked about joining the Navy, but then decided on another path. A few months ago he texted me saying that he’d signed all the paperwork, and would be heading to bootcamp within a couple of months. We have had talks before about how the Navy lifestyle wouldn’t necessarily be the best lifestyle for me as I have spent the last 5 years building up a very successful business that would be hard or almost impossible to move. That paired with the fact that he didn’t even discuss it with me before signing the papers had me questioning our relationship. I actually ended it for a brief time but then couldn’t see my life without him in it and was miserable so decided to try to make it work.
I am struggling so hard not to be bitter, angry and feel betrayed as I’m packing up my entire life and leaving behind a business that I have put my heart and soul into creating, just to follow him. I’m just angry and feel like I’m giving up so much. I don’t know if I can get over it. How do I move forward from this?
Dude, you don’t have to be ok with this! He made a HUGE decision without talking to you first, and expects you to uproot your entire life in favor of the way he wants to live his. That is not cool. Being a military spouse is hard as hell, and not everyone is cut out for it. And that’s ok. If anything, he’s shown a complete disregard for you, what’s important for you, and how you want your life to go. Of course it’s his right to join up, but he cannot just expect you to go with it. He’s being very selfish. I would encourage you not to give up everything for someone like that.
> This happens only when other ppl come into picture.. Otherwise he s a perfect guy in relationship..
At that point, most people would have reconsidered the whole engagement. Srsly, no one who’s serious about their partner and respects them just goes behind their back and signs paperwork.
> I am struggling so hard not to be bitter, angry and feel betrayed as I’m packing up my entire life and leaving behind a business that I have put my heart and soul into creating, just to follow him.
WTH? Why would you do that? That’s exactly why he did what he did. You’re a pushover.
Why you packing for? He made that choice not you, let him crack on, it’s really fucking selfish he’s expects you to throw all your hard work away. This is your choice but from his actions he really had no interest in you and your prospects and if you go you are confirming that your life isn’t worth anything to him or to you.
Why on earth are you leaving!! He poisoned the relationship by doing this behind your back, and you’re just going along with it? Stay. Keep your business. He’s the one who decided on this and he should be the one to find out a way to make it work as a long-term relationship.
If you go you’ll just end up miserable and broke, and he’ll continue to have no respect for you because you don’t respect yourself and let him walk all over you.
I’d be very seriously considering staying put, working on the business and thinking about this some more. Staying put doesn’t end the relationship. Being forced to move somewhere where you can’t do what you love surely will break the relationship up.
Is there anything positive about the move? Can you restart the business there?
And then there is the whole unilateral decision-making thing going on here. Made unilaterally because he knew that you would say “No”. Sounds like he wants the path he wants and knew he wasn’t going to get it from you even if he talked about it. So he made the decision to leave and then put the onus of the success or failure of the relationship on you.