Formerly “chronically single” women who are now in relationships, what do you think changed?

Tried my best to put myself out there (it was hard being so shy and introverted). A sad reality is that it really is a numbers game and the more people you meet, the more likely something good will stick

I consider romantic relationships an option, not a necessity.

Realized I am gay. Lol.

I was single for 7 years. Part of me wanted to meet someone but I was not willing to sacrifice my goals for it (change career, move across the world, learn a new language, buy & renovate a home). I tend to find relationships slow me down and I compromise by spending time with the guy, let alone the full time job of dating.

Anyway, I did all that and simply invested that energy into dating and a relationship – was exclusive I guess about 4-5 months into focusing on it. That was 4.5 years ago. Was pretty tough during the pandemic in a new relationship to be honest, as I feel totally capable to conquer challenges on my own but my partner is less resilient. It has drained me a lot and while he is NOT one of these useless men that help with nothing in the home, cannot organise anything etc, I am the emotional rock between us.

I guess my point of writing this is that it is one thing to find someone after a long period of singledom, but another to sustain it. That era of independence and self-sufficiency is a blessing but also can and should impact your relationship strategy.

Personally, I decided I didn’t want to be single anymore so I got dating apps and made an effort

But…however much I love my partner, making room for someone else in my life was HARD! I really struggled with it and it really affected our relationship

I just did what I’d never do, basically? I didn’t get stuck on one person and then swoon over the idea of them. I liked two guys at the same time and went with the one that was more consistent and interested, although I think I was at first leaning more toward the incosistent one. It’s easy to get stuck on a flaky person because people like the chase; it’s not fun when it keeps happening and you realize it’s what you’ve been doing all your life and expecting different results.

Ex of 6 years left me, fell out of love he said. I had a lot of trauma and abandonment issues that I stayed single for 10 years. Not because I had no one, I’m just afraid commit. In that 10 years I was never fully alone tbh.

Met the LOML 8 months ago and life has been perfect since. I guess when you know, you know? ❤️

I started asking up front what they were looking for, and I didn’t play cool or casual.

I also told them I don’t do casual, only want a proper relationship.

And tadaa, that’s what I ended up with.

Amazing.

My outlook, mainly. Instead of shunning something because I assumed it would end poorly, I took a chance because it might not.

I found the right one. I was the girl everyone called picky, or told that I should lower my standards for love, especially because I was viewed as promiscuous (as if that lowered my value as a person 🙄). I learned to just genuinely love my own company. Enjoyed my time single, went on adventures, and was completely content to stay that way if I didn’t find what I wanted.

I’m not conventionally attractive. So, outside of seeking hookups, they claimed I wouldn’t get much interest for me as a person. So sayeth some former friends, a family member and every guy I said no to.

Don’t settle. Find a partner who is compatible with you physically and emotionally. Find a partner who is emotionally mature. Don’t settle for a project partner because they shouldn’t be fixing themselves for you they should be fixing themselves because it’s what’s best for them.

When I found my person, I knew I had found my person. I pursed them as I’ve never been one to wait once I know the direction I want to go. The relationship is extremely healthy, loving, physically satisfying, and so full of trust. He brings warmth and laughter and music into my life every day, even during our worst struggle times. Being single never subtracted from my life and happiness, but being with my fiance infinitely adds to it.