What is the stupidest shit you’ve ever done?

When I was fourteen I was starting to get these pains in my stomach. After about a week they were crippling.

I realized that I hadn’t pooped in a while and that I was extremely constipated. I took otc laxatives but they didn’t do anything.

Eventually I go to the hospital and they’re trying to figure out why I can’t poop. I’m laying in the bed in excruciating pain and the doctor asks me to try and remember the last time I had pooped. I thought and thought and thought and then it dawned on me. The last time I had pooped was on Feb 14, Valentine’s Day.

This turned out to be significant because it was on that day that my teacher had brought in a bunch of muffins for the class.

Being a 14 years old, one of my friends dared me to eat the muffin rapper… which I did.

I told this story to the doctor. The doctor said it was probably obstructing my intestines. And they would try a water suppository to flush it out.

I was a very smart kid but I remember my dad looking at me like I was a complete moron.

Luckily the suppository worked and I had about 3-4 weeks of shit come out.

Drunkenly sold my landlord’s lamps while living in her apartment.

I called the cops on myself because I thought I saw a ghost.

Was working midnight shift at an old movie theater. After the last person left, I confused the shadow of my torso reflecting onto the empty movie screen for a disembodied ghost. I ran and told the manager, and because I had planted the “ghost” idea in his mind, he went in, saw his shadow also and decided there was in fact a ghost in there, and called the cops.

A cop arrived, we told him what we thought we saw, he rolled his eyes at us and went into the theater. But we had planted the idea in his mind already too, and he came out with his hand on his gun and a bit pale in the face. He called more cops.

A second cop arrived, went into the theater, realized we had seen our own shadows, and came out laughing his ass off at all 3 of us.

Manager and I were embarrassed, but omg that poor first cop. Eventually there were 10 cops there and some were laughing so hard at him, that they had to support themselves on the sides of their squad cars. Between bouts of laughter, one made a spooky ghost sound, and another mimed putting him in handcuffs as they both laughed even harder, and that made all the rest of them completely lose their shit laughing.

Broke the window of the principals office, not on purpose,I was throwing a stone at a tree but my aim was so bad it took a 90° turn and went right into his window.

Paid $500 for bar tending lesson/certification and haven’t tended bar once in all my 29 years or even really tried.